It’s Devil’s Night (or Day, I guess, depending when you read this) and that means there may be a number of shenanigans afoot this evening. If you don’t think it’s serious, reflect on how Detroit was a haven for Devil’s Night activities back in the 80s. And now look at Detroit. It’s a slow process… anyway, on to the news.
Racism and Halloween Together Again
Normally Halloween racism reflects poor costume choices, of which there have already been several in the news this year, from that George Zimmerman/Trayvon Matin tastelessness to a fashion industry “Africa” themed party that went over exactly the way you imagine it did. This one, however, is about an Akron, Ohio teacher who, through the judgment-impairing powers of Facebook, updated his status to reflect how he feels about trick-or-treaters from “the ghetto.” Ahh, the Akron ghettos.
Unsurprisingly, after claiming to not be racist in the same sentence as dropping the N-word, some people have called for him to be fired from his job because, you know, he’s a bit of a scumbag, obviously and not the kind of person you want teaching your children. The teacher is on paid leave until there’s a hearing.
The Golden Dumpster
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You hear about messy divorces a lot, but this one is beyond insane. A man in Colorado, angry at his ex during their divorce, withdrew the couple’s entire life savings, something in the neighborhood of half a million dollars, and converted it all into gold and silver bars. He then dumped every single bar in the dumpster behind his hotel. When he went to court next to deal with the divorce he was able to tell the judge he had nothing to give his wife.
No one saw the gold get dumped and no rich garbage men have been spotted around town so it’s possible it never happened, or there’s a very valuable spot in the city dump right now.
Trick or Treat or Maybe a Trip to the Gym
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Remember when you were a kid trick-or-treating and there was that one crappy house that gave out apples? Or pennies? One awful woman in North Dakota has decided that, instead of candy this year, she’ll be giving letters, but only to fat kids, letting them know they’re fat. And maybe some crap about the health problem associated with obesity, by generally the message will be “thanks for stopping by, fatty, why not go for a jog while you read this?”
Aside from inviting a furious egging of her home, it’s also noted by a psychologist that this is pretty much a terrible way to address issues with weight and will likely hurt more than help anybody, but when has that ever stopped someone from meddling in other people’s affairs?
Sharing Needles in Class
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In general, sharing needles is a bad thing. To put this in context, responsible heroin users don’t share needles. Have you ever heard the term “responsible heroin users” before? We may have just made it up. With that in mind, a teacher in Spring Lake, North Carolina was conducted a biology lab to test student blood types which included re-using lancets to collect blood samples since there wasn’t enough for each student to have their own. So an actual teacher, someone charged with educating kids, had them share needles to get blood samples, apparently under the impression that, if it was a bad idea, she shouldn’t have had access to the needles in the first place. Plus she swabbed them with alcohol, so what’s the big deal?
The teacher was fired the same day because when you do something that ridiculous you get fired double quick, but she still seems to not understand that she did something wrong, which is just frighteningly adorable. The article from the local news that reported the incident ends with a quote from the ex-teacher saying the best is yet to come for her, confirming that potentially exposing kids to deadly, blood-borne pathogens was not the highlight of her career.
Your Right to Mock the Government
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Dan McCall has been selling t-shirts for a decade featuring slogans like “NSA: The only branch of the government that actually listens” and other such jokes directed at branches of the government. Recently he received a cease and desist order on the grounds that it is a crime to change a government seal without permissions. He’s filed a lawsuit against them in return arguing he has a First Amendment right to parody the government if he wants to. His only concern now should be if he wins the case and then mysteriously disappears afterwards.