Hello and welcome to Monday. Did you miss us on Friday? Yeah, technical glitch there, but fear not! On to the news!
Killer Clowns from Mexico
We all know Mexican drug cartels are serious business, but even at their most serious they’re still light hearted enough to appreciate a clown. Which is to say someone dressed like a clown just murdered a member of the Tijuana Cartel. Francisco Rafael Arellano Felix was shot by a clown at a party on Friday night. He’s an older brother in the Arellano Felix family who have run the cartel for years and has himself spent time in both Mexican and American prisons for his role in trafficking cocaine. So far no word on the clown or his accomplice, nor if there were a dozen more guys crammed in their getaway car.
New Jersey is for Lovers
New Jersey just became the 14th state to allow gay marriage. Governor Chris Christie had been trying to appeal the ruling but eventually gave in and decided that maybe there were bigger issues to deal with than whether or not two dudes from the Jersey Shore want to be legally bound to agree on wall sconces for the rest of their lives.
Seven couples immediately tied the knot at City Hall after the law came into effect. No word on whether or not any wedding crashers thought to take advantage of what would probably have been a day full of free food and booze.
No Sex in Japan
For reasons that make no sense to anyone, the Japanese are abandoning sex like rats off a sinking ship. According to survey results, 45% of women aged 16-24 had no interest in or despised sexual contact. Despised! You might expect a small percentage of people to give such an answer, but 45%? More than a quarter of men said the same thing.
A survey in 2011 found that 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of relationship and a third of people under 30 have never dated at all. Japan is basically a sexual wasteland. It’s basically the zombie apocalypse except the only thing dying is libidos.
In 2012 adult diapers outsold baby diapers for the first time in Japan, meaning the whole country is really on a bizarre trajectory towards lonely weirdness. Why is it happening? Hard to say, but if you’re looking to start a relationship, maybe Japan is not the best place to go.
The pet industry is more insane than any of us will ever realize. Americans spend billions per year on pets. Not just one or two billion either, like we do on Cheetos, but $61 billion. So it’s no wonder that there are upwards of 700 pet cemeteries and crematoriums operating out there now as well, to help your little friend make his way to the next life. It turns out though, maybe not all those crematoriums are up to snuff and doing what they say they’re doing as an experiment by Freakanomics that involved sending a cat made of rabbit fur and ground beef has shown you’ll get back a lot of bone ash even if the pet you send for cremation has no bones at all.
All the crematoriums involved denied doing anything wrong, but the fact is they were never given anything that had bones, so to get bone ash back is a little wonky. Something to think about next time a pet dies, anyway.
The Desolation of Smog
You may have heard that the smog is bad in some parts of China, but it’s hard to believe it’s as crazy as it really is. Smog safety is measured using a Particulate Matter (PM) scale. The World Health Organization suggests that 20 is the most you want to expose yourself to on a daily rate. Anything above 300 is considered very hazardous. In some parts of the Northeastern Heilongjiang province the rating was over 1000. That’s basically like trying to breathe in sand at this point.
The smog was so intense it shut down schools, the airport and some public transportation. Visibility was cut off at about 10 meters while the government continues to assure everyone they’re working on it. On the bright side, they can keep saying that because in smog that thick you can’t really see if it’s a lie or not.