Say hello, Thursday, and let all the nice people read your news.
Kanye on Kimmel
This shouldn’t be news but it’s worth noting that Kanye West may not be joking. Like if you thought all this time he was kidding with the way he acted, he was on Jimmy Kimmel yesterday and it seems like no, he’s not joking. None of the obnoxious things he has done and continues to do are jokes. He seems to really be that full of himself and that totally devoid of humor.
While on Jimmy Kimmel he expressed just short of no sense of humor whatsoever and seemed to only be interested in letting Jimmy Kimmel and the audience know how great at music and fashion he is. More than once he referred to himself as a genius, more than once he made it known how fashionable he is and how he’s known for his impeccable fashion sense.
Kanye goes on to compare himself to an oppressed Michael Jackson, explain why he will probably revolutionize clothing and speak out against snobs because he is not into snobbery. The man who went on stage at an awards show to interrupt Taylor Swift and explain why she wasn’t good enough to win the award she won isn’t a snob. Good to know.
After a brief comparison to Jesus, Walt Disney and Michelangelo the gist of the interview is that Kanye West is a better person than the world in which he lives. Thank Kanye we have access to him and his genius.
Reporter Eats Cat Puke
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Words can barely begin to express how perplexing and wrong this video is. Live, on the air, a reporter for no reason whatsoever, decides to eat something on the floor that he thinks is Grape Nuts. He makes a face and mentions how they’re wet and he doesn’t think they’re Grape Nuts and then, a short while later after a cut, shows us his shoe and how he has decided he stepped in cat puke at home, brought it to work, then ate it off the floor.
Nothing in this video explains why a grown man in a news studio would pick up what he thought was Grape Nuts off of the floor and eat them.
The Fires of Irony
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Two men who used a blow torch to cut into a strong box died in an explosion after finding out the hard way that the box was full of fireworks. The news didn’t say they were trying to rob the place but did say no one knew why the men were there and that they didn’t have permission to be on the property which makes sense since most people don’t open boxes with cutting torches unless they’re up to no good.
A neighbor heard an explosion and called police but both men were dead when they arrived. The statement released said it was unclear if the men knew what was in the box they were cutting into which is a polite way of saying no one is sure if the men were just unlucky or complete idiots.
Olympic Sized Corruption
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The Winter Olympics this year now have two reasons to be noteworthy (the first is that they’re in Russia which many people are protesting thanks to Russia deciding that being gay is a crime). The cost of the games has skyrocketed to $51 billion which is beyond insane and, what’s worse, it’s estimated now that about half of that money just disappeared as a result of corrupt building contracts. How you can scam anyone for $25 billion is hard to fathom, but here we are.
Should You Taser an 8 Year Old?
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This story started out as one of those “My God, the police are out of control!” tales and then turned into something we thought you, the readers, might need to weigh in on. Here’s the situation. Police get a call about a suicidal 8 year old girl who has already stabbed her leg with a knife. Three officers arrive on scene and find the girl with a 4 and ½ inch kitchen knife in her hand, holding it to her own chest. She refuses to drop the knife. One officer steps towards her but she turns the knife on him so he stops. She returns the knife to her own chest. So the officer busts out a taser, shoots her, and drops her like a sack of potatoes. Disaster averted, she’s taken to hospital and is physically fine. In pain, but not permanently injured.
Now the girl’s parents say this was totally unjustified and there is no excuse for the cop tasing their daughter. The police chief is reviewing the incident but seems to stand behind his officer’s decision while the mother of the girl said “she’s never known her daughter to get far enough out of control as to require physical restraint” and her father just called it “acting out.” They’re considering suing the police department.
Is there an easier way to disarm someone with a knife to themselves? Should cops not Taser a 8 year old?