Tuesday already? It sure is! On a short week that’s A-OK. Unless you’re not an American in which case meh, you have nothing to look forward to. Sorry. Anyway, on to the news.
The Baddest Santa
A Massachusetts mall Santa was reaching for a different kind of goodies when he lost his job at the Hanover Mall. Herbert G. Jones has been charged with indecent assault and battery after an 18 year old female elf complained about him going after her cookies. Santa says he didn’t do anything and the company that hires mall Santas says Jones had passed a background check and has no history of groping elves, which is nice. So for now it’s a he said/she said until an investigation is concluded.
Anti-Gay Tip Scam?
You may recall it made news a short time ago, on the heels of a handful of other similar stories like this, that a couple in New Jersey apparently skipped the tip on a nearly $100 tab and instead left a note for their waitress saying they don’t approve of her lifestyle (the waitress was gay and was apparently wearing a button that said as much, or just had very short hair and kept hitting on the wife, it’s hard to say how they knew she was gay). The story, as many others have, went viral and of course people offered up tips in lieu of what she missed out on while the couple in question were shamed for being cheap, intolerant douchers. Except are they?
The couple have come forward now with their own copy of the bill, and a Visa statement, that shows they left an $18.00 tip on the bill and on their version there was no written message. Making it worse for the originator of the story, the restaurant in question no longer has the original copy of the bill with the anti-gay message, only the one that the waitress posted online.
So far the restaurant has no answer for why the couple were charged an extra $18 and the waitress is sticking to her story. The couple, however, are just concerned after hearing about the donations she has been receiving which they believe are being sent as the result of a fraud.
The Cage Fighting, Death Faking, Hammer Robbing Fool
It’s not often you run across someone so prolific at being insane, but here we are. Charles Rowan used to be a cage fighter. He faked his own death to escape an $80,000 debt to a drug dealer and is now looking at a 17-40 year prison sentence for armed robbery after trying to rob a gun store with a hammer, one month after convincing friends and family he’d died in a car accident.
Rowan had whacked the store owner with the hammer and taken 8 guns and then went on the run from police, drug dealers and, as it turns out, a bunch of cage fighters who’d been duped into holding benefit fights in honor of their not-so-dead friend. If someone doesn’t make this into a movie, Hollywood has no soul.
Amish Drive By
A horse in Amish country is dead after what is probably the most pathetic drive by in history. The wagon and 5 Amish occupants were on their way to a farm, because of course they were, when a car drove by and they heard a bang. Used to idiots throwing firecrackers at them, the Amish people didn’t think much of it. However, when they got to their destination they noticed the horse bleeding from its mouth. A vet was called but the horse died before it arrived, having taken a bullet to the chest. And it still got them home! Whatever douchebags are responsible are still unidentified.
Ghost Hunter Arsonists
A team of ghost hunters have burned down a historic Louisiana plantation in their efforts to find the Stay Puft Marshmallow man. Seven suspects have had bonds issued, from $75k to $450k for their part in breaking into the home, built in the 1850s, to get high and track down some spirits. The group consciously decided to burn the building down, it wasn’t just an accidental thing, destroying the landmark which had been empty since the 1980s. Were they burning it down due to evil spirits inside? No, because there’s no such thing as hauntings. It’s not even a maybe. It has literally never happened. For proof, please see science.