Welcome to a new week and a short one at that (for many of us). Thanksgiving and the dreaded Black Friday are fast approaching. Are you prepared for turkey and bargains? Maybe today’s news will help.
This Deli Sucks
The owner of a Long Island Deli and his son have been charged with grand larceny after trying to pull the pastrami over some lucky shlub’s eyes by ripping off his lottery winnings. A 34 year old customer who only spoke limited English had bought the ticket and the deli owner and his son had convince him he’d won only $1000. In fact, the man had won a million dollars. The son then paid the man right out of the register and took the ticket for himself.
On Friday the customer went back to the deli to ask about how much he’d won because not speaking English doesn’t necessarily mean “unable to count zeroes.” At that point the son offered $10,000, so long as the police wouldn’t be called. Naturally, the police were called.
Detroit Farmland Ahoy!
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A private company is buying up acres of land in Detroit, former neighborhoods now laying abandoned and rotting, to be razed and turn into farmland. This is likely one of the first times ever that urban decay is being replaced with urban farmland rather than the other way around.
Where 1,000 homes used to stand a new farm will grow trees and later crops and even livestock. The parcels of land, 1500 of them in total, were home to either filthy lots or condemned houses. They were bought up for $300 a piece. Not everyone is a fan of the idea of course but on the other hand if you can make anything in Detroit actually live and grow, you’re making progress.
Marine Saves Suicidal Raiders Fan
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An unidentified woman at Sunday’s Raiders vs Titans game jumped, for unknown reasons, from the third level of the Oakland Coliseum just after the game ended. While people nearby called out for her to not do it, below, a 61 year old former Marine and Raiders season ticket holder saw the woman and ran to pad her fall.
After a solid 50 foot fall, the woman landed on the veteran and suffered only minor head wounds rather than what could have easily been fatal injuries. The man was also injured but word is not too badly.
No Photos of Taco Bell!
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The manager of a mall Taco Bell threatened to sue and called security on a dastardly 11 year old girl who had the audacity to take a photo inside the Taco Bell, which is apparently a violation of copyright law. Just to clarify right off the bat, no it isn’t. However, the mall does have a no photography policy because who knows why. However, such a policy can be enforced by asking you to leave the mall and that’s all. Security can’t even make you delete the photos because it’s not a crime to take pictures out in the world and it never has been.
Nonetheless, when this little girl snapped a picture on her phone, the Taco Bell manager went all kinds of crazy and assured the girl that Taco Bell would now sue her before calling security. Three security guards came and made the girl delete the photo and she, at this point, was convinced she was going to jail.
Since that time her mother has become understandably upset by the whole ordeal and is looking for some answers from both the mall and Taco Bell about their conduct. In the meantime, the header image is from the girl’s friend who also took pics at the Taco Bell. That’s the manager on the phone to security. Say hello from Break!
Gastritis Flavored Cheetos
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Kids are turning up in emergency rooms after eating Flaming Hot Cheetos because, and this is medical jargon here, they’re idiots. Some kids will eat 4 or 5 bags of the spicy snacks until their stomach pH has changed so drastically they develop painful gastritis.
It’s worth noting, however, that eating 4 or 5 bags of any flavor of Cheetos in one sitting will probably ruin your insides. Please don’t do it.