Is it Thursday already? It so is! Yay! On to the news!
Racism Against Racists
Talk show cannon-fodder and all around goonish old fart Craig Cobb achieved some notoriety for his plan to buy up real estate in a town called Leith and turn the whole town into a white’s only Hatepalooza. The town council of Leith put the kibosh on this pretty quickly but not befor Cobb made international headlines by appearing on the Trisha Goddard show where he had his on DNA tested and discovered he’s 14% sub-Saharan African, probably very similar to every white person on earth, given the history of Evolution. But dang it if racists don’t want to hear they’re part African.
Now Cobb has been arrested after performing armed patrols through town, which may have been partially spurred by some graffiti he found on his home when he got back from his talk show appearance. The word “Back in Black,” not in relation to AC/DC were scrawled on his home by a different white supremacist who apparently isn’t impressed by Cobb’s African roots. Can you feel the sting?
Psychic Sylvia Browne is Dead
Infamous TV psychic, note for her many appearances on the Montel Williams show and, most recently, for her public shaming after the re-appearance of Amanda Berry, whose mother Browne spoke to after the girl when missing and confirmed for her that Amanda was dead, has died. Browne had numerous believers who continued to pay exorbitant amounts of money to see her live or speak with her on the phone despite the repeated times she had been outed as a fraud in public. She was 77.
Dental Research on Dogs?
A University in Georgia is taking some heat after a secret film made on campus has shown a lab that does dental research on dogs. What kind of research? The kind where you yank out a dog’s teeth and put in fake human teeth for some reason or other that’s supposed to help humans. The school maintains the dogs are sedated and don’t suffer but it’s worth noting dogs rarely have or need human teeth so maybe these test are less important than everyone thinks.
Joseph Paul Franklin was executed yesterday for murdering 8 people and wounding several others including civil rights leaders and porn king Larry Flynt. Franklin is the reason Flynt is confined to a wheelchair.
Franklin target minorities, blacks and Jews, during a killing spree that spanned 3 years at the end of the 1970s. His death is the first execution in Missouri in three years.
Asked about the execution, Flynt maintains he will always be against the death penalty, despite acknowledging that he knows Franklin targeted him specifically for featuring an interracial sex pictorial in his magazine.
Nuts Cure Everything
That headline is a total lie. However, research has shown that people who ate a daily handful of nuts were 20 percent less likely to die from any cause over a 30-year period than were those who didn’t consume nuts. Does this mean eating 5 handfuls of nuts will make you immortal? We’re not scientists but we assume the answer is yes.
As a bonus, nut eaters are slimmer than non-nut eaters. So bust out some cashews and maybe try skydiving, you earned it.