Is it Hump Day already? Sure is. With the week half over, here’s all you’ll need to get up to date on what’s buzzing today. Brace yourself, it’s not pretty.
Mayor Carlos Danger
The mayoral race in New York City isn’t necessarily something the rest of the world needs to be concerned with, but it’s certainly fun to read about when you find out that the most noteworthy candidate, Anthony Weiner, is only in the news because he refuses to stop taking his pants off and telling women on the internet about it.
After losing one job already for sexting Weiner pics to ladies, he’s been outed again (though he claims he’s done for real now), including his history of filthy messages sent under the fake name “Carlos Danger.” Because if you’re a fairly high profile politician who’s been caught sending pictures of his genitals to others before, you better come up with a awesome way to hide your true identity when you start doing it again.
Don’t bother making a Carlos Danger Twitter account, there are already dozens of them.
Snowden on the Go
Edward Snowden is back in the news again as Russia has given him documentation that allows him to actually go somewhere outside of the airport for a change of pace. If you recall, he’s been living in a Russian airport for quite a while now and probably getting super tired of trying to bathe in Russian airport bathrooms.
Where’s he off to now? It’s like a Where in the World is Carmen San Diego kind of thing, isn’t it? Wait and see….
Fight Fire with Fire
Want to become a firefighter? Then never do this. Joseph Brannen, in a bid to become a hero in the stupidest way possible, set a library on fire and caused a half million dollars in damages. When real firefighters arrived they found Brannen already there, already wearing firefighter gear he bought on eBay. Likely the firefighters all thought it was merely good fortune that the crazy man who wanted to be a firefighter happened to already be on scene. Wait, no, they figured he was the guy who started the fire. And he was the guy. And he was arrested.
Univision is #1
Remember when network ratings were a really big deal? Who would win the prime time ratings for any given night? Could anyone beat Must See TV? With the growth of cable and services like Netflix, network TV has taken a bit of a hit but man, this is a real kick in the chops for ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX. None of the big four are actually that big right now as Spanish-language Univision is #1 and has been for weeks. Admittedly, this is the summer and no one watches TV in the summer because programming on those other four networks is the kind of stuff you could use to torture people at Gitmo, but still, it’s a notable achievement for Univision.
You’ve probably heard about banks doing awful things like scamming customers into junk mortgages and foreclosing, ruining lives and greedily destroying families for profit in the past, it’s kind of what banks do these days. But here’s a fun new one – First National Bank foreclosed on a woman’s house despite the fact she didn’t even bank with them, and then they sold all of her stuff.
The bank sent repo agents to a house across the street but they apparently weren’t so good with reading numbers and/or their GPS was a little wonky so they broke into the wrong house, then proceeded to gut it – furniture, electronics, everything was either sold or tossed in the garbage.
The local police decided not to investigate the case because, and we’re just guessing here, it seems hard? No real reason was given. And of course the bank doesn’t want to actually pay for all of her possessions because she wants retail price for what was missing and all her crap was used.