The week is back under way and you’re probably already trying to think of some reason to call in sick on Friday. Or hey, maybe you’ll be taken hostage in a bank robbery? Or stuck in a sinkhole? While you think of some decent excuses, let us worry about covering the news.
Kanye West is Boycotting Florida
Stevie Wonder decided to boycott Florida after the Trayvon Martin verdict and now other performers including Kanye West are joining him. If you know anything about pop culture you’re aware that there are a certain subset of clueless fans who will support a celebrity no matter what. For instance, Justin Bieber and Chris Brown both have oodles of rabid fans despite the fact Brown is an admitted and unrepentant beater of women and all around scum bag and Bieber is, by all accounts, a thoughtless, arrogant, self-important jerk. So very likely some people will be disheartened to hear that Kanye West, the egomaniacal pseudo-Kardashian whose music in no way justifies his attitude, has shunned the state of oranges and the elderly.
On the other hand, if you move to Florida now, you never have to risk running into Kanye West. How bad could that be?
Zimmerman the Hero?
[[contentId: 2495785| data-allowvote: false| style:width: 400px; height: 206px;]]
In a piece of news that serves only to confuse and anger people who like the world to be strictly black and white, George Zimmerman, who vanished after his acquittal and is presumed to be in hiding since a lot of people were less than thrilled with the Trayvon Martin verdict, popped up once – to save a family whose car had overturned on the interstate. Zimmerman was on scene when police arrived and had assisted in freeing the family from their car.
Flock of Seagulls Gets Flocked
[[contentId: 2495786| data-allowvote: false| style:width: 500px; height: 230px;]]
Remember Flock of Seagulls? If you saw anyone with preposterous hair from the 80s, that’s the influence of his band at work. And apparently they’re still popular since someone stole all their gear from a recent gig, including a van. The total cost of gear minus the van? About $70,000. That’s a lot of gear.
The lead singer says most of the gear as specially calibrated for their performances because making that 80’s sound doesn’t just happen, you need to work at it. And, most significant to him, the van housed harddrives that had an unreleased solo album on them which, arguably, cold be worth a lot of money to some 80s fans.
The Appendix Has a Purpose
[[contentId: 2495787| data-allowvote: false| style:width: 465px; height: 328px;]]
For as long as you’ve been alive, everyone in the medical profession has assured you that your appendix is useless. We all believe it, considering it some vestigial organ from a time when maybe we bashed each other’s heads with rocks for fun and needed a spare gut organ to do math or whatever. Point is, we thought it was useless, but apparently it’s not. Word is your appendix is a store house for gut bacteria, the good kind, to help repopulate your insides after you have a bout of sickness like dysentery or cholera or some such.
That said, you still basically don’t need an appendix and, if it gets inflamed, just get rid of it because obviously it hasn’t been a problem for most other people.
Someone in England Had a Baby
[[contentId: 2495788| data-allowvote: false| style:width: 500px; height: 288px;]]
Kate? Kale? Doesn’t matter.