The Daily Wrap: July 22nd Staff by Staff on Jul. 22, 2013

It’s back to work with a brand new week full of stories you may have missed while relaxing and doing your thing this weekend.  Take a minute to check out what’s buzzing around the internet today.

Getting Screwed by Aluminum

This is fascinating in the craziest of ways.  Turns out there is tons and tons of aluminum being held in warehouses that guys on forklifts just lift and move to a warehouse next door, over and over again.  Why?  It all has something to do with a way Goldman Sachs has come up with to artificially increase the cost of aluminum by the tiniest amount of money conceivable.  It’d be less than a cent on every can of beer or pop you buy (or soda, if you roll that way).

Goldman makes the aluminum slightly harder to get ahold of by moving tons of it around these warehouses.  The cost of housing the aluminum is ever so slightly higher because it stays in the warehouse longer.  The price of the can is ever so slightly higher and to you and I it means nothing.  But for the countless aluminum products that are made and sold each and every day, over the course of years, that trivial cost increase has managed to net Goldman over $5 billion so far.  And it’s all artificial, it means nothing.


Chinese Apple Juice

Apple pie may be American but apple juice is as Chinese as clothing with Donald Trump’s name on it.  60% of American apple juice is a product of China.  In an effort to stave off poverty in certain regions of China where farmland had a habit of being washed away, the World Bank helped China by building dams and planting apple trees so that the farmers would not have to suffer poverty.  Instead they just destroyed the US market for apple juice by undercutting it horribly so that apple farming in the US became an unreliable and unprofitable venture for a lot of farmers when then lost their farms and faced poverty.  Ain’t the world crazy?


The Royal Baby is Whatever

This is seriously news because it’s the world we live in but, as of this writing, just the fact that Kate Middleton is going to give birth to something is being covered by every major news outlet on Earth.  So another member of the all but defunct and nearly entirely ceremonial British Royal family is that interesting.  America exists for the sole reason that we no longer wanted to be influenced by those people.  And every morning show, every gossip site, and all across Facebook and Twitter are posts about this baby that none of us will ever meet and whose life will literally have no influence on ours and vice versa.  So happy Birthday little Royal kid, whenever you’re born!

EMT Gets an F

Of all the people in all the world who are required to pass a test to prove they understand their chosen profession, you would hope those in the healthcare field not only pass their tests, but pass with high marks.  These people may literally have your life in their hands one day.  So when you read about an EMT who puts an ad on Craigslist and then offers an undercover reporter $400 to take his certification exam for him, it makes you feel a little queasy.  Nonetheless, this exact thing just happened when a volunteer critical care EMT offered $400 for someone to get certified on his behalf.  Don’t worry though, it’s not like he’s dumb, he just has scoliosis and can’t sit to take a taste for that long.


Golden Fatties

Looking to lose weight but lacking incentive?  Maybe try moving to Dubai.  The government is less than thrilled with the rise in obesity over there so they’re offering actual gold for people to lose weight.  For every Kg lost you get a gram of gold, which translates to $45 for every 2.2lbs you lose over the course of a month.  Realistically you could unsafely lose quite a bit of weight in 30 days and make yourself a tidy bundle of cash here.  Plus, the three biggest losers have a chance to win a gold coin worth over $5000. Then you can use that money to get back out of Dubai.

reploidx User

Yay for showing Giant Eagle brands!

Thornerg User

Aluminium, there's 2 'I's in it, one either side of the 'N'

Jasbob21 User

Why doesn't anyone edit your articles?  "held on warehouses" "and undercover reporter"... I noticed them the first time I read through it. It really wouldn't take a whole lot of work or time. Just re-read your articles. 

Mausendk User

By all means go to Dubai....and if you happen to be a young woman, you can get raped, and sentenced to jail for it as well.

Charges: Sex outside of marriage, False statement, Drunkenness. 

The guy who did it? Oh, he got a free "Stay out of jail card".... go figure.

The country signed the UN resolution for women's rights, yet fuck it over whenever they get the chance, and the oil is all that keeps the world form turning their backs on a fuckhead country deserving nothing but a small nuke.

Dubai - The most fucked up place this side of Pyongyang. 

LRoy-Soriano-213 User

@hateflowsthroughme Or if you are a woman and you get raped and report it in YOU go to jail for reporting it. They still think its the year 11.

breakporn User


2 corrections: First, your line should read "Actually there is". Notice I had to correct "actually", too. Second, the spelling of aluminum depends on which side of the Atlantic you reside on; the USA spells it aluminum, the UK spells it aluminium.