Another week another several dollars. Don’t waste time Googling news when you have parties to plan, just read this.
Nothing Suspicious in Scientology
Leah Remini left Scientology recently, partially because no one would tell her what happened to Shelly Miscavige, wife of Scientology leader David Miscavige. Shelly hasn’t been since in public in about 6 years and that made Remini a little suspicious. And now that she’s free from the so-called religion she filed a missing person’s report and….nothing. The LAPD say it’s unfounded and have closed the case. So this story is just bursting with clear and easy-to-understand information.
Where is Shelly Miscavige? No one knows still, but LAPD are satisfied that she’s not missing, which doesn’t mean a lot. Remember, Scientology is the Church that committed wholesale fraud and crimes (which you can read about anywhere, it’s not a secret) and somehow bullied the IRS into giving them tax exempt status. They’re not above shenanigans. But whatever, let’s go watch King of Queens. Just kidding, don’t do that.
The Ghost of Meth
So this probably happens a lot. A group of ghost hunters in North Carolina head into the woods to, you know, hunt ghosts. They call police for help because they’re lost somewhere off of Goat Farm Road. It happens . Police arrive because they’re not about to let three citizens get eaten by goat ghosts or whatever the hell is going on. They find the man, rescue him and, in the process of questioning why he and two friends were out hunting ghosts, discover he’s high on meth and that he has a meth lab back at his house. Oh man, shouldn’t have said that! It’s compelling like Breaking Bad but stupid like most network TV.
Every so often dolphins and whales tend to beach themselves. It’s uncool but it happens and no one is entirely sure why. But this year it’s worse than usual – about 7 times the number of dolphins as normal have turned up along the East Coast in the last month.
The most likely culprit is a disease of some kind, but it still needs to be investigated further . Here’s hoping it’s not just the intelligent sea mammals getting all depressed with a life of swimming with tourists.
Father and Son Hid from Vietnam War for 40 Years
You have to feel bad for these guys – a father and son fled their village 40 years ago during the Vietnam war . After a bomb destroyed his house killing his wife and two other children, the man took his infant son and ran for the forest. He hadn’t been seen since.
When the two were discovered, the boy, now 41, could barely speak and was wearing a bark loincloth. They’d been surviving by cultivating vegetables and hunting. Both are being watched now to make sure they don’t flee back to the woods, although at this point it seems like it wouldn’t hurt anyone to let the old guy go back to what makes him feel safe. In any event, awesome job hiding, guys.
Tiger’s Going Down
We have nothing against Tiger Woods, he’s a hell of a golfer and apparently he’s like catnip to the ladies, which we respect. That said, it’s still kind of funny to hear that Woods spent $54 million back in 2011 to build a house on a private island and recently started noticing cracks in the walls and doors scraping on the ground. Turns out his big ol’ house is sinking.
Woods has hired contractors to help stabilize the house but we all know it’d be cooler if he just lived underground like a Bond villain.