Do you believe another week is almost over? This summer is blazing by. Good thing we’re hunting down the news stories you need to read so you don’t have to.
The Naked Gaga
Well, it finally happened, Lady Gaga finally made a video so weird it required full frontal nudity. Working with a New York performance artist at a retreat in upstate New York somewhere, Gaga released a video that’s mostly her wailing in the wilderness for about two minutes, part of which includes her in a forest, in the buff. If you like that sort of thing, look up the video. We’d embed it but it’s pretty NSFW because few jobs are OK with naked, wailing Lady Gaga, as far as we know.
Maggots to Go
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A traveler at the Atlanta airport stopped for a bite to eat and was served a sandwich that came complete with maggots. Naturally he filmed his little sandwich hijackers and shared it with the local news who leapt on the opportunity to investigate. Three guesses what restaurant management said when they learned about what happened!
As you might expect, the management at the restaurant first offered a refund, so what, $5 or so? After that they released a statement passing the blame to their bread vendor. Not their fault, it was the bread guy. The bread vendor released almost the exact same statement saying it wasn’t them and they’d just been federally inspected. Meanwhile the maggots grew up, fell in love, moved to new sandwiches and started their own families.
Russian Smugness Level Peaks
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Russia probably loves Edward Snowden for all the irony and hypocrisy he stirs up and how awful he’s making the US government look. Even if you agree with the government that he’ a criminal, we backed ourselves into numerous corners in an effort to get him from abroad, corners that make America look kind of foolish on a world stage. For instance, as news broke of Obama cancelling a meeting with Putin over the Snowden situation, Russia expressed its regret by pointing out that they have asked America to extradite people who are considered criminals in Russia again and again, and each time America has pointed out we have no extradition treaty. Now that America wants Snowden and Russia says the same thing, it becomes a problem. Oops.
We just give you the best videos, pics and articles on the internet and are no experts in international relations, but you’d figure it’d be a good PR move for our government, especially since the cat is out of the bag and there’s nothing more Snowden can do, to just forget the guy and move on. But what do we know?
The 50 Year Old Stolen Baby was Wrong
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That title’s a weird one, huh? Figure this out – in 1964 a baby was kidnapped from the hospital where he was born. A year later, an abandoned baby was found and returned to the parents who then raised their son. But it wasn’t their son, as new DNA evidence shows. Some random baby was given to these people and their own baby was never returned. Which is technically two missing babies if you’re keeping score.
Now that Paul Fronczak, who wasn’t really Paul Fronczak when he was born, has DNA evidence showing he’s not the biological child of the parents who raised him, he’s curious about who he really is and what happened to his parents’ real baby. And the FBI is obliging by reopening the case. Here’s hoping they have some luck.
Amazing Russian Scams Bank
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Meet your new hero, Dmitry Agarkov. Agarkov got an offer for a credit card in the mail, probably the same kind of junk you get all the time. Only instead of throwing the offer away, Agarkov changed the small print so that the offer was a lot better for him than it was for the bank. He altered the contract so that he had no interest, no fees and that the bank would have to cover a line of credit up to any amount he chose. He also changed it so that they had to pay him fees for making any additional changes. Then he signed it and sent it back. A couple of weeks later, his card arrived in the mail, along with the contract that had been signed by the bank. His contract. Jackpot.
After two years, the bank cut off his card because he didn’t pay any fees. In court, it was determined that Agarkov’s contract was legit and he only had to repay his balance minus the fees, which he didn’t owe under the contract. Then he sued the bank for violating his terms and is looking for nearly a million dollars in fees and fines. The bank doesn’t want to pay, but Agarkov has one victory for his contact already, so odds are in his favor.