This is it, the last wrap of the month and, arguably, the last wrap of the summer at least in terms of the summer anyone cares about. Hope it lives up to the hype.
The 7 Year Lottery
So 7 years ago Robert Miles won $5 million on a scratch ticket and that ain’t bad. Problem is, he took it into a place called The Green Ale Market, which probably didn’t have $5 million on hand anyway, and the clerks there convinced him that he only won $5000, not $5 million, but they’d give him the cash and take his ticket for him. And, since he was addicted to crack at the time, he fell for it.
The clerks at the store, brothers, waited a few years to try to cash the ticket and then when they did, lottery officials were a bit suspicious so they started investigating. Never trust a clerk at a store who sells lottery tickets trying to cash a several year old lottery ticket worth millions.
Somehow the lottery board managed to figure out the original owner of the ticket and now Miles is getting his money, which he can take in payments over 20 years or as a lump sum which, after taxes, would be $2.1 million. Look, he’s getting robbed again!
Fergie Had a Baby
Remember Fergie? She’s the noise that makes you cringe the most when you hear a Black Eyed Peas song. She also just had a baby with Transformer’s star Josh Duhamel. Why is this news? God, if we only knew. Nonetheless, they named the baby Axl Jack, perhaps as an attempt to boost the popularity of Apple Jacks cereal, or maybe because they were changing a tire when the kid was born, we may never know.
The British Are Not Coming
Paying attention to Syria? It’s a bad situation over there and they’ve already resorted to chemical warfare against their own people. Seems like only a matter of time before the US becomes involved in a ground war. However, if we do, some allies may not join in. For the first time since 1782, the British Hosue of Commons has voted against its own Prime Minister, which is to say the leader of Britain wanted to .head to war in Syria. The rest of his government has said no. In 1782 they said no to continuing a war with Americans who wanted independence.
Fast Food Strikes Continue
Fast food workers in 50 cities have staged walk outs in an effort to have their wage increased to $15 an hour while surely thousands of starving McCustomers have been left reeling and unable to properly feed themselves.
The problem with the strike, of course, is that they’d like more than double the current minimum wage for jobs most of us feel a potato could handle. And while that is unfair, that’s the social stigma of an entry level fast food job. These are jobs highschool kids can get, and no one is going to support them getting paid $15 an hour when there are skilled tradespeople and others out there who have gone to college to get degrees and work in their field who don’t even get paid that much. And none of those behind the strikes seem to understand the concept of cost of living and how if everyone on minimum wage suddenly made more money, everything would simply cost more as a result and there would be no benefit. But whatever, hold those McNuggets hostage, see of it works out for you.
The Nugent Problem
Most people know Ted Nugent as a crazy person, and that’s legitimate because he really seems to be crazy. He likes guns and that’s awesome, but he also seems to shoot pigs with a machine gun from a helicopter and constantly be under the impression that he needs to overthrow the government. Plus he pooped himself to get out of military service.
Turns out his wife loves guns as much as he does and is just as ignorant as him as she tried to take one on an airplane. If you try to get on a plane with a gun in 2013, in America, there’s no real excuse you can offer to ameliorate just how stupid you clearly must be. Also of note, Nugent’s wife is named Shemane, which sounds like He-Man’s genderbent doppelganger. That’s not news, just an observation.