Welcome to Friday, y’all! Take a load off with the final wrap of the week and contemplate how you’ll relax this weekend.
Teens Beat WWII Vet to Death
88 year old Delbert Benton was heading out to play pool when two unidentified suspects jumped him in the parking lot and beat him so severely he later died of his wounds. The attack was apparently random and police don’t feel they knew Benton or had any particular reason to have attacked him at all. This was two jackasses beating up an old man just because they could.
The suspects are still out there and hopefully they’ll be found soon, possibly after someone randomly beats the crap out of them.
In news that has made fanboys the world over shake their heads in dismay, Ben Affleck has been cast as Batman. Only those who dare invoke the “what about Heath Ledger” clause have tried to defend this decision, in the desperate hope that this ridiculous casting choice will turn out to surprise everyone and be brilliant.
Here’s the thing, and forgive the editorialization – Heath Ledger had at least proven to be an actor with a better range than Affleck, even before The Joker. Did Affleck give us Argo? Sure, but he also dropped Reindeer Games, Phantoms and, most importantly, Daredevil. Affleck has never convincingly portrayed a character that could be considered dark, troubled, brilliant, grim or harsh. And, worse, this new movie is a Superman sequel. Any crossover between Superman and Batman has seen Superman be the physical force while Batman is forced to use his intellect to match the Man of Steel – this Batman needs to be smarter than all previous Batmen. He needs to be clever and cunning. And he’s Ben Affleck. But who knows, maybe it’ll be brilliant. Remember Heath Ledger?
A man from Sierra Leone has been arrested after trying to sell 1,000 tonnes of uranium that was supposed to be destined for Iran. So just how do you broker a deal for massive quantities of nuclear materials? An undercover agent placed a classified ad for it and this guy answered. Seriously.
The Scuba Smuggler
A Canadian man has been arrested after trying to swim some marijuana across the border, Scuba Steve style. Turns out lots of people can see you when you’re swimming from Canada to the US, so someone just called border officials who fished him and his waterproof can of pot which had about 8 pounds in it, out and took him into custody.
Detroit Gets No Money, Honey
We all know Detroit is bankrupt, so what is the government doing to help it out? Lots of not much, is the answer. In fact, there are dozens of foreign nations that receive more aide than Detroit. Check out this graphic we found on the Huffington Post. It’s kind of sad.