The Craziest Break-Up Letter We've Read

Mark-Potts by Mark-Potts on Jun. 03, 2013

I think the famous quote goes something like, "Hell hath no fury like a woman who discovers her boyfriend is talking to another woman on Facebook."

And that's exactly what this guy learned when he came home to find all his stuff gone and this lovely letter awaiting him. Take a read.




Thoughts:

- We need to know what Keisi's message was. Clearly, it had to be pretty suggestive for this woman to go to such extremes. Maybe something like, "Hey, boi. Dat dong of yours be banging my baby oven real good." If I were a woman and read a letter like that to my boyfriend, I'd be pretty upset. Then I'd feel my boobs a bunch.

- The tiny hearts are a good touch, giving the letter a nice balance of sweet and malicious. I can only imagine she wrote it while grinding her teeth and clutching the pen like it was a rope she was clinging to above a deep chasm.

- This woman is an evil genius. Creating a scavenger hunt for his things? So mean yet so good. I hope they did all their physical loving in safe, private areas otherwise his things are going to get stolen. "Hey, look! That TV is just sitting in the Walmart parking lot. That means I can take it, right?"

- Log out of Facebook. I know it takes, like a ton of time to type in passwords, but just be safe, especially if you're participating in nefarious conversations online. If you want to send private messages, use the mail. The USPS' new slogan "You can't digitally trace your affairs through snail mail!" is aiming right at you.

- She's not completely innocent. It's an invasion of privacy to get on someone else's Facebook even if you are in a relationship with them. But, if she hadn't done so, she would still be in a relationship with this guy. It's one of those "lose-lose" situations. Or better yet: don't cheat and be shady.

- Dudes, don't double dip with the ladies. It rarely ends well. And contrary to those adult videos we watch, the women rarely want to fornicate together with you once they find out.
 

68 comments
majorslack
majorslack

Sounds like the jerk deserved it.

BigTbud
BigTbud User

I would follow the game she took the time to do then when completed, then I would make up my own game similar to her's but only for the reasons of why I cheated on her....hmm....

Ben-Thomas-588
Ben-Thomas-588

I would follow the game she took the time to do then when completed, then I would make up my own game similar to her's but only for the reasons of why I cheated on her....hmm....

DoucheVadar
DoucheVadar User

A Vegan coworker of mine that I used to carpool with thought it would be funny to throw a banana under my car seat and let it rot there. Then he went and left his facebook open on his computer and left for the day. I posted for him that he went to KFC and was done with the all the Vegan crap. His facebook exploded with concerned friends and hate from fellow vegans. He wasn't happy about that.

DoucheVadar
DoucheVadar

A Vegan coworker of mine that I used to carpool with thought it would be funny to throw a banana under my car seat and let it rot there. Then he went and left his facebook open on his computer and left for the day. I posted for him that he went to KFC and was done with the all the Vegan crap. His facebook exploded with concerned friends and hate from fellow vegans. He wasn't happy about that.

Crumpledforskin
Crumpledforskin User

Tryin to think of what to do next?...let me tell ya...you go to Keisi's house...lookin to pick up your things...bang Keisi...then go home...try to work things out with the crazy one...bang her (without washing Keisi off first)...then after...dump the crazy one...and tell her what you just did...you'll feel way better...trust me

Crumpledforskin
Crumpledforskin

Tryin to think of what to do next?...let me tell ya...you go to Keisi's house...lookin to pick up your things...bang Keisi...then go home...try to work things out with the crazy one...bang her (without washing Keisi off first)...then after...dump the crazy one...and tell her what you just did...you'll feel way better...trust me

Lizbeth-Lindsey-488
Lizbeth-Lindsey-488 User

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Lizbeth-Lindsey-488
Lizbeth-Lindsey-488

what Glenn explained I am in shock that any body able to earn $9315 in one month on the internet. have you seen this page go to this site home tab for more detail--->> JOBS34.COM

theomis
theomis

awww she threw my tv in the portapotty outside that rundown tacobell...

theomis
theomis

awww she threw my tv in the portapotty outside that rundown tacobell...

mykylc
mykylc User

Shouldn't this read...hey honey guess who left their facebook open and guess who doesn't trust you and was looking for something incriminating because we have already fell out of love. they probably deserved eachother.

mykylc
mykylc

Shouldn't this read...hey honey guess who left their facebook open and guess who doesn't trust you and was looking for something incriminating because we have already fell out of love. they probably deserved eachother.

PlutosCharm
PlutosCharm User

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Earth hath no fury like a crime confessed

PlutosCharm
PlutosCharm

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Earth hath no fury like a crime confessed

g-man1984
g-man1984 User

...and they say women are more mature than men.

g-man1984
g-man1984

...and they say women are more mature than men.

drawxaw
drawxaw User

Really? My TV is behind the dumpster on 5th and Nebraska?

drawxaw
drawxaw

Really? My TV is behind the dumpster on 5th and Nebraska?

The-Langolier
The-Langolier UserTop Commenter

It's "hell hath" not "heaven hath", because hell is supposed to be bad, and heaven is supposed to be good. So, a woman scorned would be even worse than hell.

The-Langolier
The-Langolier

It's "hell hath" not "heaven hath", because hell is supposed to be bad, and heaven is supposed to be good. So, a woman scorned would be even worse than hell.

Robert-Maybeth-497
Robert-Maybeth-497 User

Did she even read the message from "KELSI" first? At any rate he is probably well read of such a vindictive and cunningly cruel person. Unless he really is a womanizing scum, in which case, it serves him right.

Robert-Maybeth-497
Robert-Maybeth-497

Did she even read the message from "KELSI" first? At any rate he is probably well read of such a vindictive and cunningly cruel person. Unless he really is a womanizing scum, in which case, it serves him right.

Chubbee
Chubbee

seems like a good idea 'til he takes her to court and sues her fir the value of any missing stuff. with that letter in hand he won't lose

newfields2
newfields2 User

She forgot the best one: <3 Your penis is where it used to be. Back inside Kelsi!

newfields2
newfields2

She forgot the best one: <3 Your penis is where it used to be. Back inside Kelsi!

liltrio
liltrio

I still can't figure out where she put my clothes!

liltrio
liltrio

I still can't figure out where she put my clothes!

COHockey
COHockey User

Wow a jealous, nosy, presumptuous crazy bitch? Where did you find one of those? Oh right.... ANYWHERE.

COHockey
COHockey

Wow a jealous, nosy, presumptuous crazy bitch? Where did you find one of those? Oh right.... ANYWHERE.

Sarla
Sarla User

I think she was totally justified and took the right steps

Sarla
Sarla

I think she was totally justified and took the right steps

legacy27
legacy27 User

Yeah, because if it's on facebook it must be true.

legacy27
legacy27

Yeah, because if it's on facebook it must be true.

Sarla
Sarla User

Exactly

PlutosCharm
PlutosCharm User

HAHA Is "Sarla" another language for "I don't understand sarcasm"?

PlutosCharm
PlutosCharm

HAHA Is "Sarla" another language for "I don't understand sarcasm"?