The Best Restaurants To Get Caught Having Sex In

A UK couple was recently caught on CCTV having sex in the most romantic place of all, a Dominoes Pizza! Though a greasy walk-in pizza restaurant will be hard to top, we’ve got a few suggestions on other unsanitary low budget restaurants that it’d be cool to get caught having intercourse in.

McDonalds

Let’s start with McDonalds, the All-American classic restaurant. McDonalds is called the “Home of the Big Mac” and after you have sex in one, the “Big Mac” of course will be referring to you or your partner’s wang. From the front counter, to the customer bathroom to the ball pit to on top of a statue of Grimace, there are plenty of places to do the dirty deed in this classic slice of Americana.

Pizza Hut

Though dine in Pizza Huts are largely a thing of the past, there are still plenty of carry out Pizza Huts with which to have sex in. These “Pick up only” locations are usually only the size of a walk in closet and covered in a layer of deep-dish pizza grease which will make this a slippery place to do the nasty. Knee and elbow pads are recommended, and if you plan on having sex near the oven, I would recommend some type of oven mitt but for your crotch.

Jamba Juice

If you and your partner are on a health kick and also want to bone in a restaurant, there’s no better option than Jamba Juice. The high sugar, high protein drinks will keep you hydrated and full of energy for more naked thrusts than are advisable in a place of employment for people who don’t know why you are having sex in their restaurant.

In-N-Out Burger

The double entendre name makes this the holy grail of restaurants to meat spear the person you love. There is a lot of controversy surrounding In-N-Out and if they truly sell the best hamburgers in the nation but there is zero controversy that this is the best restaurant to pork in. Don’t forget to order your fries “animal style” and then wink at the cashier after finishing the deed. They’ll still call the cops, but at least you’ll feel better about it.

Wetzel’s Pretzels

Wetzel’s is a salted pretzel chain restaurant located in many of the malls in America. If you’re wondering if I meant for the term “salted pretzel” to come off as sexual. That was the intent. Now come on, don’t be shy. Have sex in a Wetzel’s Pretzels. The only thing you’ll regret about it is the jail time and likely forced sex offender registration.

Burger King

If you’re anything like me, your first thought when entering a Burger King restaurant is “why is the Burger King so weird?” followed very shortly by “I’m definitely going to have sex in this public restaurant” followed by “Oh god, where am I being arrested for having sex in this Burger King, I thought we lived in America?” Oh, those last two thoughts are just me? That’s fair.