The CIA Publicly States It Doesn’t Know Where Tupac Is

PhilHaney by PhilHaney on Jul. 08, 2014

Were these CIA coded messages the entire time!?

Last month The United States Central Intelligence Agency launched an official Twitter account presumably in an attempt to seem hip and cool; “Now we can spy on them!” They had some fun with their tweets, such as their inaugural 140 character debriefing:

Now the CIA is celebrating its one month anniversary on Twitter by answering some common questions by the public. Wait, …one month anniversary? Does the CIA have a middle school girlfriend?

My question is, does the CIA know that they are supposed to be a spy agency and not broadcast all their info to the world? On the upside maybe they will accidently tweet some juicy spy intel like where Jimmy Hoffa is buried or the truth about UFO sightings. Instead of Anthony Weiner-style crotch shots the CIA intern could accidently tweet the coordinates to Big Foot’s lair or who really killed JFK. Until then, we will have to be satisfied with the musings of the CIA’s social media manager.

Some answers to the anniversary/questions included “Yes, we are hiring,” and “No, we don’t know your password.” Apparently some people think the CIA is some sort of multibillion dollar national Geek Squad. However the tweet that is getting some folks all fired up is:

Which got me thinking; how does the CIA not know where to find 2Pac? They helped find Osama bin Laden, but they can’t keep an eye on 2Pac? Here are a few thought starters to help America’s top spy agency have a looksee for rap’s Elvis.

Places That The CIA Should Look For Tupac.

1.  In A Recording Studio

The weird part is this was taken in 2010.

Tupac has released more studio albums after his death in 1996 than most artists who are alive and kicking. Since his tragic shooting, Tupac Shakur has released seven posthumous studio recorded albums. In comparison, after Kurt Cobain died Nirvana fans got a live album, an unplugged album and a smidgen of unreleased material years later. While some people will claim that while he was alive Tupac spent countless hours in the studio laying down rhymes, I would still check around recording studios for good measure. At least someone check Suge Knight’s basement to see if there is a warm tape recorder and a do-rag.

2. Go Poke That Tupac “Hologram”

Not only has 2Pac come out with seven albums since his death, now he is even performing in concert. We all saw the Tupac hologram perform with Snoop Dogg the other year, but did you see anyone walk through it?  I think I saw Pac sharing a spliff with Snoop back stage. I’m just asking questions.

3. His Grave

Maybe all the conspiracies are wrong and Tupac is resting comfortably six feet under. Or as the reliable internet has informed me, his mother Afeni Shakur buried some of his cremated ashes in North Carolina with the rest of his ashes divvied up amongst his family members. I’m sure the CIA can sort that all out. They mastered Twitter, they can figure out Google.

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