The 10 Most Absurd Moments From The Hit-Hiring Wife Video

Earnest-Pettie by Earnest-Pettie on Jul. 09, 2013

Julia Charlene Merfeld was caught on video trying to hire a hitman to kill her husband so that she could collect a 400K payday from her husband’s life insurance policy. What’s crazy is that her whole attitude toward the hit is basically “Whatevs!” I have more trouble ordering a pizza than she had ordering up this hit. She felt it was a lot easier than getting a divorce, probably because if you had to choose between an OK Cupid profile with a mug shot and one with relationship status “divorced,” you’ll take your chance with the mug shot 9 times out of ten.

The whole video is just patently absurd, but I was able to pick out ten of the most ridiculous moments from the video.

:33 You want the hit on a Thursday “Because that’s the day that I work?” No wonder you want this dude’s life insurance policy. That shouldn’t even count as part time. If you’re working one day a week, that’s just a hobby!

:50 Carlos? Wait, there was another person you tried to hire? Did you really just get a hit man through a referral from another hitman? “You know, I’m going on vacation, but I know this guy who’s really good at killing. I mean, he’s my competition, but I’m a fan.”

1:36 Whoa! The Bat sign? You’re flashing the Bat sign? You’re hiring a hitman, the coldest of all ways to murder someone. The last thing you want is the Dark Knight showing up unannounced and ready to throw down in the name of justice.

1:52 She doesn’t want her husband murdered in the home because it’s going to make it more difficult to get a roommate? It’s called Craigslist! You can probably find a real hitman there, too. In fact, you can probably find a hitman who is also looking for a room to rent. Best of both worlds! Now you don’t pay him—he pays you! Rent!

2:56 Going to Google Calendar to schedule a hit. Classic move. Send an Evite while you’re there.

4:32 WHAT? BATMAN AGAIN!?!?!  Adam West is rolling over in his grave right now. I know, I know. Adam West is not dead; he’s just trying it out before he buys.

4:43 HAHAHAHAH! STREET VIEW! This chick drew a map with Street View ™. Next time, just go to the library, spend ten cents, and print out a Google Map!

5:25 “Does he look just like that, then?” Um… yeah. It’s a photograph. That’s how they work.

5:52 Monologuing. Classic mistake of the criminal mastermind. The video takes a right turn into Mauryland right here.

7:25 “Is this a bad idea?” Maybe, but you know what’s a worse idea? Asking a hitman for advice on life choices.  

Merfeld plead guilty and is going to jail for no less than six years. Apparently, her husband doesn’t want her to serve any jail time, which just proves that he was really too dumb to have signed a marriage license without the state requiring his parent or a legal guardian’s approval in the first place.

What do you think were the most ridiculous moments? Let me know in the comments.

Earnest (Follow me on Twitter @earnestp)

 

41 comments
John Sims
John Sims

she stared at the camera a bunch of times !!

Sarah-Leaf-135
Sarah-Leaf-135 User

So cold-hearted....so sad. It's crazy how long desperation can take someone.

David Bonnett
David Bonnett

Drive him to kill himself. Won't women can do that.

primordial
primordial User

What do you expect? People are losing pride everyday in our country. The economy is shit, pay is shit. The restaurants buy cheap shit. It's a vicious cycle. Greed has overcome pride in our work. Tough times people. I wish I had the answers. We need to go back to the old days. It 's not good that they do this to the food...but think about it...there is so many chemicals they use to put in the crap that is fed to animals, then crap they shoot into animals to make them grow faster, and so on and so on. Farmers are getting paid by the government not to farm. lol! All these preservatives and steriods etc. in food are slowly killing people. For Christs sake 13 year old girls look like they are 25 years old now! I'm not a health nut or anything like that but I see people dying or dealing with health problems we didn't have years ago. Hell, all of our Grandparents ate eggs, bacan, red meat, butter, and God knows what else and lived to be 80+ yearls old without the medical technology we have now. What does that tell you?

Sorry about my little rant...I just hae people fucking up food that is already shitty to begin with. lmao!


ksboyintx
ksboyintx User

omg so what happened?  why do people videoing always stop at the worst time

eldystar
eldystar User

so somebody married this ugly pug?


Jose-Canseco-636
Jose-Canseco-636 User

no big news, seen the same situation different woman on COPS lol. fuckin hilarious

RomeDome32
RomeDome32 User

Good jokes, are you an editor or a comedy writer?

iamtheczar
iamtheczar User

"its just easier and i don't want to break his heart" ...... sigh*

Terry-Sandowski-596
Terry-Sandowski-596

i'm pretty sure the hitman is the "dayum dayum" burger guy - this must be how he makes burger $$

Abdias-C-544
Abdias-C-544 User

"batman"  It was all about money 

Ryan J. Cooper
Ryan J. Cooper

I call staged. She looked at the camera getting in and out of the car.

andyman4
andyman4 User

How about a BJ or handjob for down payment.....

Monkeyhead1965
Monkeyhead1965 User

8:25 -- "Can we rule out the 18th and just go with the 25th, because I want that extra week with him."

Nice.  I'll bet that extra week would have been AWESOME for him!

CurTas
CurTas UserTop Commenter

This just goes to show you that people today would rather murder loved ones than work for a living. Thin out the heard and hang this chick.

kingadjon
kingadjon User

What's scary is how not shocked I am.

pittster777
pittster777 User

She's clearly a sociopath, she will end up killing someone else once she gets out.

Rampage-Obidos
Rampage-Obidos User

"What do you think were the most ridiculous moments?"

That this was even posted...

g-man1984
g-man1984 User

This is shocking!!! I would expect it if the husband was beating her senseless, but he sounds too nice for his own good.

Valeasaz
Valeasaz User

husband should hire someone to take care of this problem for him


RuffRider88
RuffRider88 User

@David Bonnett 

you mean drive him so crazy that he wants to kill himself.

asshole1000
asshole1000 User

@David Bonnett You're right, won't women can.

RiotSt4rt3r
RiotSt4rt3r User

@ksboyintx The hitman burst into the living room put 3 in his face and 2 in his heart then made a clean getaway.... Or just read the ******text******** ........... she got arrested.

Snotnose
Snotnose User

@Ryan J. Cooper Yeah, im sure she just went to jail JUST to make it look more realistic too huh?

seriously? lol...

Dan-Noisat-164
Dan-Noisat-164 User

@andyman4  thats what it looked like, well lets seee if you really are serious, how about a quick tug & rub....

FreakyBoombatta
FreakyBoombatta User

@fatsausagepizzaThe importance of commas: It is not "Go milk the cow boy." It is "Go milk the cow, boy." "Die in a fire cunt" is more like a request that she crawl up in Lohan's vagina and suffocate than a command for her (the cunt) to die in a fire. I can't disagree with your intentions, though.