Every year, the Texas State Fair unleashes deep fried creations that were designed to either kill you or make you wish you were dead. It’s not that they aren’t tasty. You could deep fry a tire and it would be the best tasty tire you’ve ever eaten but it would definitely kill you. The Texas State Fair took one step closer towards frying a Firestone steel belted radial with their latest batch of fried food finalists. Fair officials announced the finalists earlier today on their website and they sound slightly less insane than some of the other creations that have come out of the fair in years past but they still will make your cardiologist slap you for eating them. The finalists include such dishes as:
Chicken Fried Lobster with Champagne Gravy
This one includes an entire deep fried lobster tail with a sauce made from lemon butter and champagne gravy.
The “Deep Fried Alligator’s Egg Nest
That’s fried alligator meat stuffed with cheese, jalapeños, onions and garlic!
Fried-Beer Batted Buffalo
This one is made out of ground buffalo meat.
The Lone Star Pork Handle
This last one also works as a sexual position for people who use sex swings or something.
Other finalists include:
Cowboy Corn Crunch
Fernie’s Holy Moly Carrot Cake Roly
Pretzel-Crusted Pollo Queso
And this one which is easily the most insane of the bunch: The Smoky Bacon Margarita.
That last one is a frozen lime margarita infused with liquid smoke that’s covered in crumbles of chopped bacon. Why not just serve with a pack of cigarettes and a vial of saturated fat that you can shoot right into your arm? Past winners of the fair’s food contest include items such as a Funnel Cake Ale, a Fried Thanksgiving Dinner, Fried Bubblegum and Fried Beer. Just once, they should do Fried Lipitor so they won’t have to face murder charges for all the heart attacks they cause each year.
Which of these would you try first?!