You Paid Taxes to Study Why Lesbians Get Fat

You hear every so often about ways the government misspends our tax dollars, so this story might not surprise you.  Or it might make you go take a shot and beat your head against the wall for a while because $3.5 million is gone and it’s not coming back because the government spent it on researching why it is that gay women and straight men seem to be more affected by obesity then gay men and straight women. 

If we were more sexist and unscientific, we’d point out the obvious answer without charging anywhere near $3.5 million to the question of why these groups have weight disparities.  Look at what they have in common.  Lesbian and straight men both have sex with women.  Straight women and gay men both have sex with men.  Therefore, men expect their sexual partners to be in shape so the people who sleep with men want to be in shape for them.  But if you sleep with women, you’re apparently a little bit selfish and just don’t give a damn what you personally look like.  Again, not scientific.  But it’s totally what the study is saying.

Officially, the US Health and Human Services study has drawn no conclusions yet and it’s set to continue for about another year.  Why would anyone actually care about this kind of a thin in the first place?  Because the disparities are of high public health significance.  At least, that’s what Health and Human Services says. 

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If you feel like you’ve been ripped off on this deal, remember that $3.5 million is a relatively small waste of money in government terms.  From 2006 to 2011, for instance, you paid $175 million for penis pumps through Medicare because they’re apparently used to treat impotence.  And, naturally, the government bought them at about double what you’d pay to buy them yourself from a store.

But don’t feel bad, because all governments are about this stupid.  For instance, Canadians used their tax dollars to fund a lesbian haunted house in Toronto.  The house, billed as an art project so it could be publicly funded, featured severed penises and galleries of “straw feminists” like Lena Dunham and Sarah Palin.  There was a room for guests to look at their own vagina and a tunnel that encouraged women to crawl through while they get touched by God knows who. 

In the UK, police officers wasted about $1 million US by filling their cars with the wrong kind of gas, this despite having fuel caps that actual talk and tell you what kind of gas to put in.  despite that, the thousands of diesel cars they have keep getting filled with regular gas, the result of which is thousands and thousands of dollars in repair bills, year after year after year because British cops are apparently terrible.