Willow & Jaden Smith Give The Worst Interview Ever

T Magazine just forced their unluckiest correspondent to sit down and talk to Jaden and Willow Smith.  The result is one of the most smug, non-sensical , mind-blowingly stupid and contrived things ever put to paper.  If these two kids were adults I’d be willing to suggest that this is the highest form of comedy and they’re both geniuses.  But at age 14 and 16 I don’t believe either has the maturity to put in such a Kaufmanesque performance over the course of several years.  Will Smith was funny on fresh Prince, but there’s no way he spawned two comedy prodigees who have outfunnied the universe with their extended performance.

To fully understand the horror of the interview, which is supposed to be about the siblings’ recent albums, you just need to see how they answer some questions.  First, after explaining that Willow is reading books on quantum physics and sex-cult philosopher Osho, while Jaden reads ancient texts that “can’t be pre-dated” they go on to this exchange about time;

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Did you see Willow’s full sentence answer in there?  Because living?  Because living?!  That’s not a statement.  That’s a half thought.  It only gets worse from here.

The pair are asked about recurring themes.  Remember, this is an interview about their music.  Jaden declares “the melancholiness of the ocean.  The melancholiness of everything” as themes in his work.  Willow ponders how this reality may be the holographic projection of a greater consciousness!  How profound and not at all the basis of numerous, old as hell sci fi books.  And movies.  And the Matrix.  Is melancholiness even a word?  No time to worry, Jaden drops this nugget.

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This answer is extremely important to understand the Smith kids.  They claim time and again to not care what others think and really seem proud of their individuality and how different they know they are from everyone else.  But notice that statement invokes the world.  The entire world is affected by Jaden and Willow Smith, on a profound level.  According to them.  And it doesn’t end there.  Willow has the unmitigated balls to later say this;

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Her song, from when she was 12, about whipping her hair, did so much for girls all over the world.  And now she’s improved about this by making music from “source energy’ and universal truths. 

Later they explain their writing process for music, which is apparently just free-styling.  No need to sit and write, they just listen to a beat and put together little moments into a song.  Willow lets us know this is how novels work for her.  See, no novels out there are good, so instead she writes her own novels and rereads them.  I didn’t make that up. It’s in the interview.  14 year old Willow Smith has decided literature is a lost cause, so she writes her own novels.

After gibbering more about not caring what people think and some prana energy, we get to their ideas on education.  Try this on for size;

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Yes, well, no doubt they aren’t as well educated as they think they are.

Listen, making fun of kids is a bit low, I get that, you get that, but these are kids backed by a multi-million dollar powerhouse of PR bent on selling them to every one of us, by giving them a venue to make songs and movies and interviews like this.  These are kids who are going to grow into adults and influence more and more people with their nonsense.

There’s a popular refrain in the world today that suggest if you don’t like the Kardashians, for instance, you don’t need to watch their show.  Don’t like Chris Brown?  You don’t have to listen to his music.   But you do. Because it’s there and it sneaks in.  Chris Brown keeps beating people up.  Kardashians keep getting naked.  Jaden and Willow Smith keep saying dumb stuff.  And you’re forced to see it because it “trends” and other people consume it and we have to deal with those people.  You and I, every day, have to deal with people who think Donald Trump would be a good president and the Kardashians are examples of good business people because they’re rich.  People who think like that can’t be reasoned with and that’s how these kinds of celebrities make the world worse.  They’re like energy drinks for knuckleheads, giving them a constant boost of stupid and awful. 

Someone just send Jaden and Willow to Disneyland so they can be normal for a day.