25 Things That Will Make Pacific Rim 2 Kick Ass

News broke earlier this week that Pacific Rim 2 was on hiatus indefinitely, which means screw you, this movie is in the trash.  That upset a lot of fans because the giant-robots-fighting-monsters genre is very limited these days.  However, there was salvation when a day later Guillermo del Toro, director and writer extraordinaire, said the movie was not, in fact, cancelled.  It might just be pushed back a little later is all.  Which is fine. 

Now that we have some assurances it’s coming, we need to refine the story. Del Toro says they’re still turning in a script in a couple weeks, so that means there is time for all these tweaks.  The first movie made over $400 million and broke some records overseas.  Follow these 25 tips and the sequel will do even better.

  1. The rest of the It’s Always Sunny cast.  Preferably Danny DeVito as a Jaeger pilot
  2. A Jaegermeister-sponsored Jaeger that is designed to look like a stag
  3. Ron Perlman’s other shoes
  4. The scientist played by Burn Gorman trying to seduce a woman
  5. A monster cloned from the remains of Idris Elba
  6. New giant monsters that they send through in even bigger robots
  7. Any awesome finishing move that someone refers to as a Jaeger Bomb
  8. A tiny, stealth Jaeger that goes into the alien dimension and finds at least one part that doesn’t look like a Walt Disney acid trip
  9. Bio Jaegers engineered from the aliens bodies that can sneak back across the rift and mess things up
  10. Privately funded Jaegers run by Kobra Kai assholes
  11. A sexy alien that infiltrates the human ranks and spies on us but then falls in love with the hero and helps us out in the end
  12. A Kaiju that looks like Donald Trump.  It will get exploded
  13. Some fights maybe on land and not in the rain
  14. A special snack promotion where my drink rocket punches refreshment into my mouth
  15. Someone to explain what they thought that wall was going to accomplish
  16. North Korea’s crazy, mostly non-functional Jaeger that only launches missiles about 30 feet
  17. A Canadian Jaeger with syrup guns and beaver power
  18. Charlie Day attempting to not sound like an enraged drunk
  19. The alien counterpart to Charlie Day looking all frazzled and worn out explaining why the alien plan is going to be BS and getting ignored by his superiors
  20. A 3rd race of aliens that have been observing everything who tap into the rift and try to kill everyone with giant robot monsters of their own that are self replicating and would make awesome toys
  21. A romantic subplot featuring an awkward Katherine Heigl and McLovin
  22. Seth Rogen as the pot-loving leader of the aliens
  23. Taylor Swift getting stepped on
  24. A Kaiju just about to destroy the Statue of Liberty but opting to hump it instead
  25. Same thing, but a robot does it this time