Just How Dumb are Teens These Days?

The idea that kids are dumb is as old as the hills, mostly due to kids being dumb.  When you were a kid you did dumb stuff.  Once, when I was a kid, I tried to set a fusebox in an abandoned factory on fire and succeeded in burning the entire building to the ground.  Oops.  Kids don’t know their ass from grape jelly but it’s getting worse.  To prove this point, please direct your attention to the school dance.

Those of you 20 or over likely remember highschool dances.  Not just the prom but things like a semi-formal, a Winter Ball, Freshman mixer, whatever.  Schools used to be able to work up a solid 3 or 4 dances per year for one reason or another.  But now, as the NY Post reports, school dances are all but dead.  Aside from prom, which many kids leave part way through, there are no more dances thanks to turnouts in numbers about 20 strong.  Not enough kids attend, and it’s a mass extinction across the country and into Canada.  Teens don’t go to dances.  But what caused this shift?  Can you guess?  Think of the dumbest thing you can think of.

Smartphones.  School dances are dying thanks to Smartphones. Kids are opting to stay home so they can text each other, use Snapchat, and Tweet about what fun it is to not be actually physically interacting with members of the opposite sex.  Can you imagine a single dumber thing for a highschool student to do?  Is not the main goal of nearly every high school student to get closer to members of the opposite sex? And now they’ve unwittingly shot down an easily organized method of bumping uglies.

In generations past kids have been called out for things like underaged drinking;

These Mike’s Hard Lemonades are da bomb, you guys!

Listening to the devil’s rock n roll;

[[contentId: 2588440| alt: | style: height:497px; width:500px]]

Gee Sally, this music makes me want to burn the house of God!

Street racing;

[[contentId: 2588441| alt: | style: height:324px; width:500px]]

Vroom Vroom, I’m Vin Disel but with more range!

and dirty, sexy dancing!

[[contentId: 2588442| alt: | style: height:479px; width:500px]]

Avert your eyes from the sin!

And all of these things were done because, to kids, they’re fun.  Rock music is fun and rebellious.  Drinking and partying is sticking it to the man.  Dancing let you get close and sexual without actually getting sexual.  These were the ways kids fought the rule of their oppressors and tried to be independent, by being “bad,” doing things their parents and teachers disapproved of.  And now…Snapchat.  Not actually touching, not actually getting together where drinking or sex or anything could really occur.  Just sitting at home and texting each other instead.  Good job, teens.

Researchers at the Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience at the University College London determined not so long ago that a teenage brain actually has a lot more in common with the brain of a small child than an adult.  Teen brains are still forming basic abilities and are muddled with all kinds of distractions and that’s why they do stupid things, to put it unscientifically.  And now they’re just ruining themselves.

Some suggest this is kids rebelling against the establishment, why go to an organized school function when you can simply do your own thing at home.  If that’s the case then you can convince kids to not do anything bad by simply sanctioning any illicit behavior because kids are literally that stupid now. 

To the rest of us, don’t let this be the future.  Don’t become people who eschew physical contact in favor of Snapchat boobie pictures or sexting.  Sexting is awesome, but actual sex is even better.  And it includes someone else.  Don’t let us become a society of lonely cyber deviants.  It’s not what America is all about. 

You can skip the prom and Tweet Ian over @IanFortey but stay off his lawn, he hates kids on his lawn.