This Kid Made a Fortune Selling Black Market Candy

The UK apparently has a problem with grossly unhealthy children.  Seems that for the past several decades all anyone in the UK ate was pork fat and fried lard or something, because they’ve gotten on an insane health kick in recent years which includes forcing children to eat well whether they like it or not.  This has manifested itself in the form of strict rules for what kids can eat at school.  Gone are the days of delicious Pepsi vending machines and Doritos on every corner.  Now they’re supposed to eat balanced meals with fruits and vegetables, like real people.  Only cooked by English cafeteria workers, which we have to assume means they’re terrible in every way.

Working ever so slightly against this healthy initiative is 15 year old Tommie Rose, who was inspired by shows like The Apprentice and Dragon’s den (that’s Shark Tank’s original, UK version) and started his own business.  He buys chips and pop and candy in bulk and sells them at competitive prices to school friends.  And it’s pretty lucrative since he’s made about £14,000 doing it.  That’s a hell of a lot of cash for a kid.

The school is threatening Tommie with suspension for violating its healthy eating policy, which seems unfair since he’s not eating unhealthy himself, he’s just allowing others the choice to do so.  And he’s also saving the money up for college, which is stupid responsible for a kid his age.  Most of us would have taken that kind of cash when we were 15 and either bought every video game ever or done something so egregious no one would have ever heard from us again except for when we showed up on a milk carton.

The headmaster of the school has responded to Tommie’s business with the single most English quote you will ever hear;

We have extremely high standards and with our healthy eating policy we don’t allow isotonic drinks, fizzy drinks and large amounts of sweets for the good of our children.

That’s right, no isotonic or fizzy drinks.  Jesus England, you invented the language, why do you brutalize it so much?

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This is an isotonic drink, incidentally.

Tommie was nabbed at a different school three years ago for doing the same thing at which point he claimed he was giving up the business for good.  But of course that’s what you say when someone’s trying to keep you down.  He may be offering a black market product, but the thing is it’s not an illegal black market product, so he’s pretty OK to keep selling it.  Maybe not on school grounds, but if kids have the money and will to buy a bag of chips (or crisps, as they say) then who says he can’t sell them after school?  He’s made a ton of money doing it, so obviously there’s a demand.

A point in Tommie’s favor is that business people are now expressing their support for him since the story has made the news, saying his entrepreneurial spirit should be encouraged.  At the end of the day, a school shouldn’t be trying to force eating habits on its students anyway.  Providing only healthy options from school sources is one thing, but trying to outright ban others seems a bit much.  Wankers.