Stephen Hawking: James Bond Villain

You may not have noticed this in the past, but James Bond villains typically (not always, but often) have some kind of physical abnormality or difference.   Renard, le Chiffre, Raoul Silva, Blofeld, they’re all kind of creepy weird types with some megalomaniacal tendencies.  His villains are typically geniuses, ruthless and really weird.  Like super weird.  So now imagine Stephen Hawking as a Bond villain.  Almost works, doesn’t it?

In a recent interview, Hawking expressed an interest in portraying a villain, based solely on the fact he feels his computer synthesized voice would be pretty good to rattle off some evil exposition.  And he’s probably not wrong. 

The fact that, as an audience, we would immediately associate Hawking with being the smartest man alive, would add some credence to the character, and obviously the character would have to be using his mind moreso than his body since it’s unlikely Hawking would be down for any intense stunts or a fight scene with Daniel Craig.

Casting Hawking would ensure 75% of an awesome James Bond movie as he’s really the only actor in the franchise’s history who audiences would buy as a super genius.  Remember when they cast Denise Richards as a physicist?  The movie would only fall apart in the 3rd act when Bond catches up with Hawking’s villain and then…well, what? You’d feel bad if you watched Daniel Craig punch Stephen Hawking in the face.  And if he was trying to get away, Bond could just push him over.  That’s equally sad.  You’d feel sympathy for him, which is probably not what the movie needs.

Now, knowing that Stephen Hawking is almost the perfect Bond villain, there’s one pretty surefire way to push him over the top, so to speak, to make him awesome and that’s to steal a page from Mad Max.  Replace Hawking’s chair with a body capable of making up for his physical infirmities.  Your first instinct here may be to think robot but no!  No, we don’t want an unreliable and emotionless robot.  We want Hawking to become the next generation of Master Blaster.  Put Hawking on the back of Ron Perlman or Paul Wight.  In a basket.

This may seem undignified but we’re just talking about acting here and the character created by the genius of Stephen Hawking and the imposing physical form of Hellboy or the Big Show would probably be the best thing anyone has ever filmed before. 

So yes, we support the idea of Hawking as a Bond villain and, God willing, some director reads this and takes our suggestion to heart.  Turn Stephen hawking into one half of a brainy-brawny Bond Villain monstrosity.  It’ll be awesome.