With The Force Awakens opening in theaters on December 18th, we’re sure to see an update to many beloved characters but it’s a shame that the droids, easily one of the bigger aspects to the franchise, continue to totally be stripped of the manhood they deserve. So we decided to fix that.
1. Viper Probe Droid
Watch out for this probe. All of the droids in the Star Wars series have personalities that make them as human as any one of the Jedis so it seems only fair to allow them to hang out with the boys if you know what we mean. This fella does a lot of the grunt work in the movies, so he’s not working with much.
Forget R2’s ability to repair pretty much anything. It’s the ladies’ hearts he’ll have troubling mending once he hits the dating scene.
Maybe after PO’s latest addition to his mechanical suit, he won’t sound like such a fancy lad. Meet C-3PO, portrayed by The Rock.
4. Battle Droids
Since these guys are just the droids you send into battle, they really have no use for a mechanical penis, especially a super bent one. But we at least imagine they’re pointing downward as to not poke anyone’s eye out…because that would be bad sportsmanship on the field of battle.
5. Medical Droid 2-1B
Luke Skywalker doesn’t know what the hell is going on. The last droid to ever enter the galaxy in need of a droid-dong would be the Medical Droid 2-1B. He’s really only there to tend to your war wounds which is why it could double as a curly straw in case you need any orange juice from his loins.
6. The AT-AT
Of course the AT-AT made famous in The Empire Strikes Back carries one that is as big as a tank. However the good guys wouldn’t need to use a cable to trip this walking machine, but instead just guide it’s penis to trip itself!
This little bugger has already won the hearts of fans around the world. But much like a shark, as soon as the 8 is ready to mate, he reveals his own light saber. It’s just a shame that he has to constantly roll over it, because as you know, that’s not a comfortable feeling.