Spoiled Millennial Outlines How She Lives In NYC On $25 An Hour (Plus Parents Who Pay For Everything)

$25 an hour is pretty good if you live in a low cost of living area state like Missouri or Kansas, but in New York City? You may as well be live in a box. When I moved to NYC for my first job out of college I was getting paid $36,000 (or $17.31 an hour, roughly) and met homeless people begging for change that made more than I did – and while you can make it work, it wasn’t fun. I lived a mile below the gentrification line in Brooklyn, could barely afford to eat and mostly had to subsist off of the food in the office kitchen; one time I ate office PB&J’s twice a day for a whole month just so I could save up enough money to move into a nice area. But as this totally hardworking millennial is about to teach us how to live in NYC on a low salary, you can totally live in MANHATTAN on only $25 an hour!

How To Live In NYC On A Low Salary: “MA, Where’s My ALLOWANCE?”

So let’s see: this girl makes roughly $3,200 a month, plus another $1,100 from her parents and  grandpa. She pays to get “sugared and bronzed” once a month, which I can only assume is some fancy lady treatment that makes your vagina smell like a floral pie. I have never had one, which is why I know that you don’t absolutely need it, and probably explains why there’s a constant tuna-esque odor that follows me around constantly. The gym membership I can’t bitch about even though I’m sure this girl just rides the elliptical for 30 minutes every day, which can be done for free by running outside – but the biggest thing here is that this entitled little fuck is living in a $4,050 apartment.

You know what people in NYC do to make housing more affordable? They cram people in. My apartment was a one bedroom and there were three of us living in it; I didn’t even have a window in my room. Shit, I didn’t really have a room so much as a corner with a curtain for privacy – and this bitch has the audacity to have a an actual fucking room with an actual fucking door.

How To Live In NYC On A Low Salary: Be Rich, Like, Duh

Basically, it’s easy to live in NYC as long as your parents are paying for anything that might be even remotely expensive while still transferring money that you don’t even fucking need.  But it gets better, as she goes on to give us a schedule of what her daily spending is like:

Only rich white people with imaginary gluten intolerances shop at Whole Foods, not “struggling” interns who have to scrounge for quarters on the ground just to pay for the subway ride home.

It’s called packing a lunch you dumb bougie fuck.

To be fair, I am also soooooo into tofu these days, but not so much that I’m going to shell out $12 on a fucking salad. You can spend $12 on meat, but the minute you pay anything more than 20 cents for a bowl of tomatoes and iceberg you know you’re getting ripped off. Also, you can tell that gas station stop was completely unnecessary — she didn’t even buy gas! She bought SPARKLING WATER. For six fucking dollars. Get off your high horse and go slurp the tap water outta the bathroom sink like the rest of us.

How To Live In NYC On A Low Salary: Be Less Poor And Gross

Basically this whole millennial’s budget can be summed up like this: Are you poor? Stop being poor. If that doesn’t work, find some rich parents who will give you money. If that doesn’t work and trying to be less-poor hasn’t worked, then at least Refinery29 leaves us with some parting wisdom:

Great last words for an article that reminds me why life isn’t fair.

[H/T Refinery29]