Today the European Space Agency’s Rosetta spacecraft sent a lander to touch down successfully on the surface of a comet for the first time in human history.
Mission control announced: “…we are on the comet.”
After traveling for ten years and millions of miles the Philae robotic lander detached from the Rosetta and took seven hours to painstakingly maneuver itself to its target on the head of Comet 67P. This is a huge achievement for science, space exploration and mankind, but something else huge was released on the Internet last night that everyone cares way more about. So in order to get people excited about this story, here is the spacecraft landing on Kim Kardashian’s ass.
The data gathered from the comet will tell scientists about how comets are formed and even the origins of the solar system itself. But f**k that boring shit brah, look at dat ass!
While everyone back on earth is looking at another large, celestial body scientists are excitedly celebrating the achievement. Once the lander caught up to the comet as it traveled 34 thousand miles an hour through the cold expanse of space, it deployed harpoons that latched into the comet’s surface and will hold it there securely as it rides the back of the large object. OK, so really not unlike a Kardashian.
We really deserve to be living in a dustbowl anyway. I’m hoping Matthew Mcconaughey fails his mission. Here is the actual lander on it’s way to the comet as seen from the mother space craft, but whatever, “we shouldn’t spend money on this stuff” is what someone is going to say in the comments.
The ESA has already received photos from the surface of the comet which they are processing and hoping to release soon. Or you could just go over to Kim Kardashian’s Instagram account, I’m sure something from there is trending on Twitter today instead. FML.
Actual Photo of 67P- Diddy As The Kids Aren’t Calling It
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney