Some Genius Has Been Selling Hot Dog Water For $40 A Bottle To Stupid Millennials

Anytime you see a product being hyped you should know to automatically avoid it. Remember when Vitamin Water was supposed to be “healthy”? In reality it’s just an assload of sugar and food coloring, but it just goes to show that people will buy anything without reading the label – even something as dumb as hot dog water.

That’s right; because the world has reached peak “millennial” status you can now buy a bottle of water that comes with an aborted hot dog floating in it. You could make it at home for $2 and save yourself money, or you could kick back with your avocado toast, dab on some bitches with your fidget spinner and shell out $40 for hot dog water – I’m sorry, unfiltered hot dog water.

And the baby boomers wonder why my generation is living paycheck to paycheck.

Luckily for all of our collective sanities, hot dog water isn’t available in stores and was only being sold at the Car Free Day festival in Vancouver, Canada. And if you’re wondering how exactly people were fooled into dropping $40 on wet meat, the advertising genuinely sounds pretty legit:

“With the demands of city life and high-stress jobs, electrolyte imbalances are all too common these days,” the hot dog water flyer reads. “We believe Hog Dog Water can help restore the body’s homeostasis after an electrolyte imbalance. By balancing the state of your body’s multicellular organisms, Hot Dog Water helps you achieve max capacity for biological defenses so you can fight both infection and disease.”

Hot Dog Water: What a Steal!

So if you’ve been huffing paint in your garage for the past decade, this sounds like a bargain…but if you have even a shred of common sense, you’ll agree that $40 is better used on something more worthwhile, like testing out a new paper shredder or wiping your ass.

And while CEO Douglas Bevans spent over $1,500 creating hot dog water, thankfully the product isn’t as straightforward as it seems – at the bottom of the hot dog water brochure, there’s some very small print that restores (a little) faith in humanity:

“Hot Dog Water in its absurdity hopes to encourage critical thinking related to product marketing and the significant role it can play in our purchasing choices.”

Sadly, people still spent the money for a soggy dog; clearly our critical thinking abilities as a species are in the shitter.

[H/T Metro]