Soccer, Human Sacrifice and Black Magic

Americans don’t really care about soccer.  It’s an old joke but it’s pretty much true.  Compared to nearly every other country, it’s just a shrug of a sport, ranking somewhere around badminton for general interest.  And that’s OK.  Americans like football way more than anyone else in the world, it’s a fine balance of game no one cares about based solely on geography.  That said, imagine if soccer was so important, so interesting, so serious in your world that you believed maybe someone was sacrificing humans to get better at it.

In Ghana, Asamoah Gyan is a soccer player with a problem.  Not so long ago, he was relaxing at a resort with his rapper buddy Castro the Destroyer (nice name, fella) and Castro’s girlfriend.  Things were going Ok until Castro and his lady went into the water, reportedly as a result of Castro trying to save his girlfriend who was in distress.  Sadly, they both drowned.

Castro the Destroyer (not Deion Sanders)

Normally this would be the end of a sad story.  In America, if this happened to a football player, it’d be tragic news.  In Ghana, that’s not how they roll.  Rumors began to circulate about Gyan, the third party at this little drowning event.  Seeing as he was still alive, wasn’t that…weird?  Wasn’t it possible that maybe Castro and his girlfriend hadn’t even drowned, that they’d been ritually sacrificed by Gyan?  Wasn’t it entirely plausible and believable in every way that he killed them to gain dark, magical powers, possibly ones that would assist him in playing soccer?  The answer, in Ghana, was goddamn yes.  Yes!  Obviously.

The rumors spread until it was basically one of those things like Richard Gere and his gerbil.  It wasn’t on the man’s Wikipedia page, but everyone “knew” it.  To drive this point home, at a press conference, a reporter just came out and asked the man if he may have murdered his friend to transform his soul into a cold, crystal orb of soccer-fueling dark energy.  Maybe not in those words, but I’m a romantic at heart and can only hope.

Gyan did not take kindly to the man’s question and had to be restrained from attacking the reporter on the spot.  Lucky for him there were people around.  Unlucky for him, no one was around a few days later when Gyan’s brother and some friends tracked the reporter down and beat him so severely he nearly died.  How do you think the people of Ghana took this twist?

Gyan in the locker room.

1:  People realized Gyan must have been incredibly hurt and insulted by these accusations so much so that even his family were lashing out against anyone willing to make such a crazy claim against the manw ho had just tragically lost a good friend.  Or;

2: People realized that reporter must have been on to something if they tried to kill him over a simple question so yes, Gyan probably was a soul, stealing evil wizard using the twisted magic of the Nether realm to improve his soccer skills.

Yeah, you know what people thought.  So Gyan is now an all-but-confirmed practitioner of the Dark Arts, ready to Voldemort a soccer ball at anyone foolish enough to stand in his path.  His only recourse now, stunningly, is to hold a press conference to try to explain that his friend died in an accident and he is not harvesting unicorn blood or the salt-rimed souls of rappers to improve his game in any way.

Hopefully Gyan will be able to at least somewhat clear the air at the press conference and try to get his life back on track.  Failing that, his minions can lock the doors while he feasts on the hopes and dreams of the gathered media until he is able to transcend his flesh form and take on the mantle of Sokkar, Dark God of the Pitch.