Charles Manson Is Getting Married!

In what should be the greatest PR coup for marriage equality advocates in the history of ever, notorious serial killer and swastika-sporting madman Charles Manson has been granted a license to get married.  There are still states where two guys can’t get married, but at least the craziest man in the universe isn’t having an issue. 

Manson, who you may recall was held responsible for seven murders committed by his infamous family back in the 1960s, has spent just short of forever in jail and will likely die there because no one would ever parole Charles Manson on account of the fact he’s Charles Manson.

His future wife is 26 and has spent 9 years trying to exonerate him, because maybe as a 17 year old dingus obsessed with a serial killer convicted of crimes that happened years before she was born, she probably had some special insight.

Manson, who is 80, likely is thrilled with the idea of marrying a 26 year old nutjob in much the way any criminally insane 80 year old would be, though he’s not entitled to conjugal visits because he’s literally that insane.  As for why a 26 year old would marry Manson?  Well, first and foremost, every serial killer has an inexplicable cadre of female groupies that are, for lack of a better word, nuts.  It happens all the time.  They all say he’s innocent, but the fact he’s not is likely much of the reason for their obsession.  Some damaged people need to latch onto people even more damaged than themselves.

The bride-to-be has stated that part of her reason for the marriage is so that she can work on Manson’s case because, as a relative, she’ll have access to more information than a non-relative.  Isn’t that great?  She’s going to crack the case she is.  What a little trooper!

The wedding will be held at the prison because, and we can’t stress this enough, Charles Manson is too insane to be allowed to go anywhere else, and will probably include a feast of Salisbury steak, mixed vegetables and pudding. 

Back in 2013, Rolling Stone interview the loving couple and Manson referred to the idea of getting married as “garbage” and said it was just something for public consumption, apparently under the impression he public still talks or cares about a withered old turd of a murderer and not fully appreciating that this became news as a kind of morbid novelty, in much the way the media reported on that one eyed pig not so long ago, or that fool on TLC who says he’s going to be swallowed by a snake.  It’s not enriching or valuable information at all, it’s just something to trigger your moral gag reflex and shake your head.

The couple are registered at Bed, Bath and Prison Shank and would like to remind guests not to try to smuggle any contraband in their butts as guards will be looking there both first and last.