Selfish Idiots Want To Ruin Breastaurant

Welcome to the new world where you can’t get fried food served to you by women in body paint because THE AMERICAN DREAM IS DEAD.

Redneck Heaven is in Lewisville, TX, a self-identified “breastaurant,” that serves up the finest in foods like Bubby’s “Tower in an Hour,” a three-pound burger, a quarter pound of cheese, and a plate of fries. These foods are served by attractive ladies often wearing minimal clothing, a tradition dating back decades with Hooters, Twin Peaks, and some shady Burger Kings. And occasionally, Redneck Heaven’s waitresses wear body paint and pasties on ABC (Anything But Clothes) nights. And what’s wrong with that?

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Everything, according to a bunch of prudes and freedom haters. Some people saw the waitresses and found it so offensive and so disturbing they complained to police. In turn, the town made it illegal for women to serve food in body paint.

Holliday and others saw the women in their parking lot with signs, attracting customers to come eat. She said, “We’re quite shocked to see these young ladies weren’t dressed. They had very scant bottoms on and their tops were painted. It’s a restaurant that’s between two family restaurants.” (The restaurants its in between are TGI Fridays and Red Lobster so if you’re over in that area, you’re asking for trouble anyway).

Oh! You were shocked to see a restaurant that is so obviously aimed at guys having waitresses that were dressed provocatively in order to take advantage of said men and receive huge tips? No way! No one forced you to look, lady. You could have gone on to your other restaurants and been just fine. But no. You and your friends have to go and ruin it for the rest of us.

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And what’s worse is that the restaurant broke no laws. They were within their rights to do as they pleased yet because of a handful of complaints, they had to change the way they do business. If you ask me, this is government interference of a small business at its finest. The representative’s of Lewisville, TX are trampling on these business owners because they’re afraid of some yuppy morons who don’t enjoy a good burger with a side of boobs.

We say government needs to get out of this, people need to grow up and realize the human body isn’t a big deal, and Redneck Heaven needs to get back to its superb level of food service.

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– Mark (representing America on Twitter)