Yesterday, in bustling downtown Dublin, Ireland, a hole formed in the road. The news called it a sinkhole even though it was only about as big as a football (a real football, not an Irish football which is, of course, a soccerball) and nothing sank into it. Is an Irish pothole newsworthy? Sort of.
This pothole went a ways down into the road. Or Rather, the thing road broke and revealed it had been laid over top of a cellar. The cellar, historians believe, was part of a tunnel system that Irish politicians used to use to sneak out to bars and brothels, proving Irish politicians used to be absolutely awesome.
Legend says that the King of England once shut down the House of Commons and House of Lords because irish politicians were spending all their time getting drunk and whoring. Their apparent response to being forced to not drink and whore was to Shawshank their way out of work so they could continue drinking and whoring in secret. The historian in question indicated there was a network of such tunnels across the city. Imagine the time and effort it would have taken to perform such a monumental task. This was no weekend job, this probably took years.
The hole discovered yesterday is said to just lead to a cellar of very little importance. There’s no 17th century Irish porn in it or old, wooden sex toys, but it’s confirmation that a secret lower Dublin does exist. Plans are to fill this particular one with concrete so that the road doesn’t collapse and kill people, but who knows what else is waiting for people in the city given that they clearly had some of the most industrious and horny politicians ever.
It’s worth noting that there have long been rumors of secret White House tunnels as well, in particular one used by JFK to have hook ups with Marilyn Monroe. When politicians need to get dirty, they just build sex tunnels. It’s the way of the world. There are even tunnels under Buckingham Palace in England that may or may not be used for sexual purposes, but at least one dude named Geordie was found living there some years ago, so that’s something.