Good News! Scientists Announce Cure For Cancer, AIDS And Ebola!

The Nobel Prize committee might want to hold off on polishing a new award in medicine before some of these claims can be confirmed. However in a “shocking” announcement scientists say they have created a powerful drug that can cure cancer, AIDS and Ebola. So if you or someone you love is unfortunate enough to be suffering from this trifecta of horrible diseases you might want to book a plane ticket to…. North Korea. Whoops.

In North Korea they have universal healthcare; it’s called…Uncare.

The injectable medicine is called Kumdang-2 and is made from mix of ginseng grown from fertilizer and a special mixture. The state news agency was kind enough to share with the world the recipe of the Ebola busting concoction, saying in a statement;

“The researchers insert rare earth elements (REE) into insam (gingseng) by applying the mico-elementary fertilizers of REE to the fields of insam. The injection is made of extracts from those complex compounds. As a strong-immuno-activator, the injection has been recognized to prevent different malignant epidemics.”

If these sound like dubious claims, don’t worry Kim Jong-un has got your back. The drug has a website where it explains in detail how to cure AIDS and says that a study researchers held in Africa cured at least 56 percent of patients and improved the health of the others. So, time to celebrate? 

This is the Donald Trump presidential campaign of AIDS cures.

With a brainwashed and adoring public up to believing anything, the state sponsored Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is more like Kim Jong -un’s own personal version of The Globe or The Sun. In the past North Korean news and propaganda has said that Kim’s father invented the hamburger and that he does not need to poop because of his magical powers. (Many North Koreans don’t have plumbing so the idea that you could make your poo disappear through a toilet is probably magical.)

It’s like that scene in the Mike Myers movie So I Married An Ax Murderer where he chides his mom for reading tabloids. “I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as, “The paper.” However in North Korea everyone really does think of this propaganda as “The paper” – they have no choice.

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney

Source:  Independent UK