No More Vagina Monologues For Mount Holyokes!

Have you ever seen the Vagina Monologues?  Rumor has it men who do melt like the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, so unfortunately our editorial staff is unable to offer a firsthand perspective on the whole shebang.  We have heard, however, it’s quite the salty little play dealing with women and their feelings and perspectives on themselves, their bodies and is a fairly positively themed feminist perspective on what it means to be a woman.  And that’s the problem.

Mount Holyoke College, in Massachusetts, is a woman’s school (or all girls, if you prefer) that has made an annual tradition of putting on a production of the vagina monologues.  This year the show is shut down, however, thanks to its narrow and terrible view of vaginas.  Or women.  Maybe both.  See, not all women have vaginas, so this terrible play is terribly exclusive and makes others feel uncomfortable.  What others?  Why, women without vaginas, for instance.  Or possibly men with them.

If you’re confused right now it’s because obviously you are.  This boils down to someone making an argument that The Vagina Monologues is transphobic, which of course it’s not, but someone said that.  Say a trans person identifies as a woman, but still has a penis.  That’s their business and however they feel about that is awesome.  But the Vagina Monologues isn’t transphobic simply for not acknowledging that, because it’s not about that person.  Fact is, most women do have vaginas.  Another fact is that any and everything that is about gender that doesn’t include a transsexual perspective isn’t transphobic.  Lethal Weapon, Ninja Turtles, The Brothers Karamzov, Action Comics and A Midsummer Night’s Dream are all devoid of a trans perspective but probably can’t be considered transphobic any more than a story about three little pigs isn’t koala-phobic.

Unfortunately, 2015 looks like it’s going to continue our awesome tradition of ignoring everything that doesn’t make literally everyone happy.  So everyone still gets a ribbon even if they lose, no one celebrates a holiday that their religion isn’t cool with and we’ll never try to associate women with vaginas ever again on the off chance a woman without a vagina feels left out of the fun.  Instead we’ll classify women by…an overall feeling of womanness?  No, that would probably exclude women who live as men.  The use of lipstick?  Nope, same problem.  The presence of a uterus?  Nah, that’s the first problem.  Oh, a woman will just be whoever wants to be one.  Everyone gets to be whoever they want to be but we can never mention it is all because we may not know who’s who and it would be impolite to ask or assume. 

Maybe Mount Holyoke needs to chill the hell out a little bit. Maybe they can have a trans student write a segment to balance out perspectives.  Maybe someone can just say “dude, shut up” and stop acting like a bunch of PC wank jobs because none of us live in an actual world that cares if everyone gets a hug and a cookie every time they perform even the most mundane tasks.  Unfair things happen, everyone does not and should not be included in all things all the time and the world keeps on spinning.  Deal with it.