14 Reasons You Should Be Terrified of What Facebook Knows

According to data released by Facebook leading up to Valentine’s Day, the social network actually knows when you’re in a relationship before you do.  Due to a mix of people posting every single event of their lives on Facebook and Facebook’s tireless cataloging and analyzing of this info, they can actually gauge who is about to enter into a relationship based entirely on frequency of shared posts between two people and, in fact, they know you’re going to be in a relationship about 2 weeks before you do.  Feel free to check out their terrifying math.

Facebook data mined 460,000 couples to get this down, so their conclusions are likely accurate and, given that, they could probably realistically tell you you’re in a relationship before anyone, including you, fully knows it, assuming you’re an avid Facebook user.  If this doesn’t terrify you, it should.  It means Facebook knows you future.  Not your distant future, but the foreseeable one.  And if that’s the case, what the hell else does Facebook know about you, based solely on your innocent posts and likes and pages viewed?  Maybe some of this?



  1. Facebook’s predictive technology monitors how long your mouse hovers over an image to determine what you have an interest in, even subconsciously, and can target ads to you for things you weren’t even sure you wanted.  Seeing ads on Facebook for penis enlargement pills?  We have no comment.
  2. Every time you look at a profile, Facebook knows.  Facebook knows who you are stalking from highschool and how long you’ve been doing it. 
  3. How often do you keep yourself just logged in to Facebook?  That mean they know when you sleep.  Over a long enough period of time, they’ll know when you’re awake, all the time.  Facebook is your Santa Claus.
  4. Do you like Pokemon? Naruto? Comic Con?  Facebook knows if you’re a closet nerd unless you go out of your way to lie about what you like.


  5. Ever looked through groups and pages for something dirty?  Facebook now knows what turns your crank.
  6. Ever sent someone a dirty message?  What made you think that was private?  It’s on file, your file, right now.  Facebook knows what kind of dirty talk you like, and who you’ve done it with.

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  7. Who do you hang out with?  If someone tagged you in a photo, Facebook knows who you associate with, where you go, and when you did it.  The more photos you’re in, the more easily they can determine who you’re likely to be with out in the world when you’re not on Facebook.
  8. Got Facebook on a mobile device?  Sure you do.  Still logged in?  Facebook knows your latitude and longitude all the time.
  9. Remember all that stuff you filled in when you signed up for Facebook?  Your birthday, where you went to school, your relationship status, your job status, foods you like, restaurants you like, TV shows you like, political views, religious views.  Facebook knows more about you than your friends and family.  And they sell that info.
  10. Do you have an important job?  Military?  Government? Anyone can find you on Facebook just by searching for what you listed as place of employment.  You and everyone else in your city who works there.
  11. Weirded out by a creepy guy at work? Maybe it’s because he did a Facebook search for single people who work where you both work.  Or people in an open relationship.  Or people who like Game of Thrones.  It’s all there and searchable.
  12. Maybe you work with someone who is being stalked.  Maybe their stalker looked up everyone at work who might be a threat to them.  Maybe that’s you.
  13. Even off Facebook, numerous sites partner with them to tack the movies you watch, songs you listen to and products you buy, even without clicking a “like” button.  Most of your online activity is therefore cataloged by Facebook whether you’re using the social network or not. Your status as a Bronie who likes Lady Gaga has likely been sold to numerous advertisers.
  14. Facebook can link you to pretty much anyone on Earth. In a test of the 6 degrees of Separation theory, after analyzing 69 billion friend connections amounts over 720 million Facebook users, almost every person on Facebook is only four people removed from everyone else in the world, at most.  You’re practically friends with millions of Beliebers.


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