You Won’t Want To Ride Another Rollercoaster After Reading This

I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but rollercoasters are dangerous. No, not like fun dangerous, but dangerous dangerous. Two rides were shut down today at a park in the UK after one left riders stranded upside down for close to a half hour (glad those belts worked at least!) and another ride leaving riders stuck in cages for more than an hour. Doesn’t sound too bad as you read this in your air conditioned room, but it’s now July and hot as sh*t outside.

Imagine having not eaten and you think, “Eh, it’ll be a quick three minute ride. We’ll eat after.” and then you get stuck there for a half hour while blood rushes to your head. Sounds like a good time, considering one pays around fifty bucks to just get through the door.

Unfortunately for the riders at Alton Towers, this isn’t the first experience customers have had when it comes to semi-near death experiences. Three people were taken to the hospital recently after colliding on the Sonic Spinball ride. Oh, there was also the woman who had to have her leg amputated after crashing on the Smiler coaster after the handle bar jammed into her knee, practically severing it off completely. Not to mention their half hour wait before emergency services finally arrived.

But that’s just one park. Six Flags has certainly had its fair share of super fun accidents and personally, I’m not getting on a rollercoaster knowing it is in the realm of possibility that it could fail in any way anymore.

Remember that cool Ninja rollercoaster? So do the people at this Six Flags in Texas last summer. A rollercoaster derailed after, get this, a tree branch fell on the track, leaving four injured.

There was also the Knottsberry Farm park that had riders stuck in the air for over three hours in 2012.

By the time the fire department arrived, the blood in the riders’ legs had practicaly stopped circulating leaving them incapable of using the fire department ladders. Not to mention the many that had to just pee all over themselves while they waited.

I don’t mean to be a killjoy, just reporting the facts. Do what you will with them. But for me, I plan on keeping my legs ON my body and my urine IN the toilet. Also this mentality will help me save expensive theme park fees. I don’t like cotton candy that much either.