Robin Thick’s Lines Were Blurred By Booze and Vicodin

Have you ever been sued?  If you have, you may have panicked a little bit and wondered how you would defend yourself.  This is normal for every human on Earth except Robin Thicke who has just settled on what is arguably the worst defense in the history of ever to claims his ode to rape “Blurred Lines” infringes on Marvin Gaye’s copyright for “Got to Give It Up.”  Thicke says he was entirely too wasted to infringe anything.

We’re no legal experts but we’re pretty sure “too wasted” is not a defense to a thing if you actually do that thing.  You can never be too wasted to do something you did.  However, Thicke’s extra wrinkle is to throw Pharrell under a bus by suggesting that him and his stupid hat stole the song and Robin “Where The Hell Am I?” Thicke just mumbled along in some kind of semi-coherent state which seems to be the state in which most modern music gets made.

Pharrell hasn’t responded yet though we can assume his cheery anthem “Happy” was some kind of karmic mea culpa for his involvement in Blurred Lines which, despite its popularity at the time of its release, later became known as the rapiest rape jingle ever put to music.

It’s hard to tell what Robin Thicke’s angle is now after becoming super famous for singing about how he’s going to make women take it whether they admit to wanting it or not, losing his wife, trying to win her back in the most pathetic and depressingly public way ever and grinding on Miley Cyrus in Beetlejuice pants.  Is he pretending all of that was because of drugs? Because it doesn’t really make him seem better in any way, just slightly more unstable.

Pictured: Musical Inpsiration

As a defense, the vodka and Vicodin cocktail (they called it the V&V, available wherever washed up celebrities are sold) still only maybe sort of works when you blame Pharrell for that one time.  But that sort of relies on us believing he literally never heard the song until the day he showed up to record it.  And then afterwards he was wasted every time he performed it, including during the making of the music video, or he just stopped caring at that point.  Or maybe Pharrell keeps a gun under that big ass hat and Thicke felt obligated to keep singing the song.

The other issue here is that, sometimes, he changes his defense entirely by suggesting the song, which doesn’t even directly sample Mariv Gaye’s song, isn’t infringement in any way, it was inspired by it and is therefore perfectly safe.  And, obnoxious as it sounds, that might be the truth of the matter.  Thicke apparently told Pharrell he really likes the Marvin Gaye song and wanted something that sounded like it.  Pharrell seems to have written a song that has the same vibe, but really isn’t the same.

Dude, a huge bird shat on your head.

This also makes one wonder – if Pharrell wrote the song and produced it, why was human turd Robin Thicke involved at all?  Why does the music industry cater to pubestache-wearing half talents?  Is someone out there convinced that Robin Thicke has the voice of an angel and needs to be nurtured musically?  He sounds like a backup singer for Sly and the Family Stone at best and looks like a latter day George Michael.  Pharrell is a musical talent, even if you don’t like his music, the man can not only sing, but he can produce the same pop hits he pawns off on people who clutter up Vevo with shitbird music videos that only get play because they have titties in them, why not just cut out the middle man?

To be fair, pop music isn’t called pop for nothing, it’s a bubble filled with air and nothing else, so we shouldn’t expect miracles and it’s been the same since the recording industry came into existence.  A certain percentage of the population will always be drawn to well produced and simple music that has a catchy beat and lyrics that could just as easily be nonsensical Dr. Suess rhymes so long as they follow the rhythm of the song.  Lots of that kind of music genuinely is fun, there’s probably no one alive who doesn’t have a stick in their ass who doesn’t like at least one catchy pop song that isn’t “artistic” or some hipsterish critique like that, and that’s OK, not all music has to start a revolution or speak about the evils of GMOs.  Sometimes it’s just cool to listen to Nicki Minaj sing about butts.  But, for the record, none of that stops Robin Thicke from being a doucher.