Rap Crap: 10 Ways To School A Fellow Rapper

The rap battle.  A tradition as old as 8 Mile.  So about 11 years.  Maybe more, the historical records are hazy.  But what is known is that the rap battle is the most vaunted and respected way to challenge a foe on the mean streets of Detroit, and sometimes less squalid towns, and to express your own musical and intellectual superiority while gaining the respect of peers.  If it’s done right.  And then there’s this;

and if you’re in the mood, here’s the full version;

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Now you may think trying to show someone up by pointing out your undersized genitals and penchant for father humping is a poor idea, but he was really going somewhere with this.  In fact, we managed to get hold of his general purpose notes, his list of “burns and schoolin’s” as they call them on the streets (Break editors are constantly on the streets.  Or at least we see them sometimes from the bus).  So now, for the first time ever, behold the inner workings of how to school someone in a rap battle.

Version 1


I drink milk and it shows

I had enough of you hoes

I think your uncle is an attractive man

I’d like to touch his can


Version 2


Your rhymes ain’t nothing

You just frontin’

Your cousin Luke has really nice cheekbones

I’d like to kiss him until he moans


Version 3


You think you’re all that

But you ain’t nothing but crap

I never hesitate

To prematurely ejaculate


Version 4


It’s easy schoolin you

Like you’re in grade two

So easy you should be pained

And I was never potty trained


Version 5


I’m goin’ full throttle

Here baby take your bottle

I’m like a lyrical hex

I have untreated herpes simplex


Version 6


You think you know me

But you can blow me

My rhymes are scary

Plus I got dysentery


Version 7


I want to lick butter off of Danny DeVito


Version 8


Why you even tryin’?

You’re out here choking, dyin’

Face it you just got owned

By a guy with low testosterone


Version 9


I can see you sweatin’

I know I got you frettin’

But don’t you be no hater

Just cuz I’m a chronic masturbator


Version 10


Your rhymes are weak sauce

You’re looking at a loss

I feel bad for your mom

Dawg, I work at Break dot com.