Your Dreams of Pumpkin Spice Four Loko Are Shattered

Fans of vomiting were recently discouraged to find out that the rumors of a Pumpkin Spice Four Loko were just that. Rumors — an intangible desire that you’ll never know, drifting away on the wind like the scent of a lost love.

 

Some background: @Things4WhitePpl tweeted a photo that depicted the disgustingly flavored malt liquor. Though created for turds and ha-has, the Internet took the post seriously. Before long, media outlets were promising that the pumpkin spice flavored Four Loko was on the horizon.

 

We know now that it is nothing but a spot in the distance that will never be reached. Or will it?

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Looks like the actual can was the Orange sludge flavor.

A spokesman for the company confirmed, “Pumpkin Spice Four Loko is a parody flavor… for now!”

 

Here’s hoping that the technology to create this beverage never exists. If the flavor does appeal to you, you’ll have to drink yourself sick with Four Loko’s current catalogue of barf-inducing sugar waters. Or, now that Surge is back, you could just spike that with vodka and candy pumpkins.