It’s a new year full of potential and the unknown, right? Not so fast, sucka! Psychics are a dime a dozen these days and their predictions for what the new year brings are all over the internet. Let’s take stock of a few notable ones, see what seems likely for the year in politics, weather, pop culture and random crap. Our stable of psychics includes Denise Guzzardo, Michelle Whitedove, Kyra Oser, Jeanne Mayell, Nostradmus as interpreted by Alex Noudelman and Betsey Lewis. All predictions are readily available online.
Denise: It’s going for the Democrats. Does that mean Hilary or Bernie? Who knows?
Michelle: No time for the 2016 election, Obama is going to get us into a war before his term is up!
Kyra: The election comes down to Hilary vs Jeb Bush (Trump has already dropped out in September 2015 to run as an independent) and in the end, Hilary wins!
Jeanne: It’s Hilary!
Nostradamus: Obama is the last US President. So…huh?
Betsey: Playing the longshot, Betsey’s betting on Marco Rubio. For real?
Denise: There will be extreme weather! Oh no!
Michelle: There will be extreme weather. Again!
Kyra: Kyra lets us know about weather on a new planet. Wind makes the sand sing on this rainbow planet. Keep your eye open for that.
Jeanne: There will be extreme weather!
Nostradamus: There will be extreme weather! Good lord.
Betsey: Guess what she says. Guess! Extreme weather! If it happens, it must prove psychics are real!
Denise: ISIS is going to get the smack laid down on them in the summer!
Michelle: Some jerk destroys the Statue of Liberty and it sinks into the ocean
Kyra: Someone will blow up the Ferris wheel by the Thames in London in May. Possibly the same people who planned the terrorist attack that she predicted for New Year’s Eve in New York.
Jeanne: US military will enter Syria in Spring, terrorists will attack someplace!
Nostradamus: The Middle East will light on fire. Literally.
Betsey: World War III. Maybe in Russia. Or China. Or North Korea.
Denise: Bill Cosby’s health will prevent him from going to jail
Michelle: Possible overdose, DUI and car wreck for the Biebs!
Kyra: Kim Kardashian will buy a white house that looks like the White House.
Jeanne: The Pope gets sick and dies.
Nostradamus: Nostradamus doesn’t have much to say about celebrities.
Betsey: Stallone gets nominated for best actor but Tom Hanks wins!
Denise: The Bears win the Superbowl?
Michelle: Widespread UFO sightings.
Kyra: Trump will propose firing squads for fat people.
Jeanne: There will be fireworks in July.
Nostradamus: Russia leads the way to world peace.
Betsey: An earthquake will hit Japan!
So, there will be earthquakes in Japan and bad weather plus terrorist attacks? It’s almost like psychics just say things that have happened every year for the last decade! But what of their other predictions? Is the election going to Hilary? Will there be UFOs? What do you predict for 2016?