Porn Hub To Launch Music Recording Company

They say that for some, the fastest way to make it in the music industry is to sleep your way to the top. Now the folks over at PornHub, (you know, the site that you currently have open in the other window) are taking that old adage a bit too seriously.

PornHub execs Matt Blake and Corey Price sat down on the old casting couch with Billboard magazine to announce a new business venture: PornHub Records. Because when you think music, you think Porn Hub!  It’s your one stop shop to see “Filthy Teen Lesbians Getting Pounded By 12 Inch Dongs” –while casually listening to the new Tim McGraw album.  It makes perfect sense.

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She sure knows how to work her instrument. – Thank you, goodnight!

‘We’ve always seen a strong music presence from the beginning of Pornhub,’ Blake said.  “Artists upload their own stuff, like uncensored tracks and R-rated versions of songs.”

Oh I see; a place for uncensored tracks to be uploaded, as opposed to all the G-Rated content people like Nicki Minaj and Robin Thicke have been forced to distribute on the internet recently. That Blurred Lines video that every single person in the country watched could have used some more nudity.

Thank Goodness Porn Hub Will Fight The Censor Nazis!

I think it will excite a music industry that has been limp for years. Now when a new artist blows the record executives away they really blow them away! I imagine it will be a lot like that scene in the Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line where Johnny gets his big record contract, except with a lot more rim jobs.

The Number One Brand In Music

OK, OK, to be fair it seems that for the most part the music and porn aspects of The Porn Hub Entertainment Empire will be separate.They have already created videos for artists Coolio, Xiu Xiu and FaltyDL.  In fact, to kick things off, Porn Hub Records is holding a song contest where musicians can submit a song and Porn Hub will produce a music video for the winner, who will recieve $5K and a minimum of 500,000 views on Porn Hub TV!  – I bet if they agree to do DVDA they could get a million views.

“Hey buddy, eyes down here on my guitar.”

Personally I want to see The Muppets roll into Porn Hub Records and ask for “The Standard Rich and Famous Contract.”

Don’t do it Miss Piggy!

Blake also said that lots of different people in the music buissness have reached out to them. “There’s erotic folk, rap, country – everybody has come to us.’

While that sounds awesome on many levels, I really hope there is an combo erotic folk-rap- country group out there. I guarantee 5K views.  Some of the fresh artists Porn Hub Records should consider to a record contract include:

Lady Gag – Gag

Nicki Ménage à trois

Justin Bonerlake

Cockplay

U2… Touch Each Other

The Backside Boys

Poo Fighters

Loadey

Gusher

Carrie Givesmewood

Ariana Grande Boobs

Skeety Perry

-And Miley Cyrus

What fresh new artists to you think would be great for Porn Hub Records to sign?

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney