Can You Solve All Your Problems With A Poop Transplant?

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Mar. 28, 2013

There are 1.5 billion overweight people in the world right now.  Americans spend over $60 billion per year on weight loss, so this is a big deal.  Big money, big asses.  It’s big all over.  Which is why when news breaks of a scientific advance in weight loss, a legit scientific advance and not just a scam diet of cabbage juice and Mr. Pibb enemas, it’s pretty impressive.  And if that scientific method includes a poop transplant well then, you got yourself a story.

Two recent studies in mice and humans indicate the bacteria in your guts have a lot more to do with weight loss than anyone thought.  In simple terms, when you have gastric bypass, the bacteria inside your intestines changes and you’ll see impressive weight loss.  When you diet, the bacteria stays the same and, despite eating fewer calories or less fat, you don’t lose a lot of weight.  Here comes the fun part for you poop enthusiasts – when the intestinal contents from mice who had a change in gut bacteria were transplanted to other mice, those mice lost weight. So they shifted poop from one skinny mouse to one fat mouse and it caused the fat mouse to lose weight and basically our Break scientists say it’s cool for us to now proclaim that a poop transplant is a miracle weight loss cure. 

How does this affect you?  Well, you finally have a reason to celebrate Obamacare because with the health crisis presented by obesity, this will have to be covered eventually.  Also, unlike people waiting around for heart and lung transplants, there’s a huge donor list already over at RatemyPoop.com.  Finally, you can look forward to scenes like this cropping up all around America!

38 comments
Sedge-Noob-dad-168
Sedge-Noob-dad-168

You're implying that people would accept taking part of a human centipede as treatment, instead of being forced into it and losing weight as an end result. If you feel that you would voluntarily join a human centipede treatment for being overweight, I suppose that is your prerogative. The obvious point I was making is that a fat guy tied into a human centipede who lost weight, would now be able to point to the fecal ingestion as the diagnosis for the fat loss, as per the article above. While I see th

ezasabc
ezasabc User

So basically "Two Girls One Cup" was a diet video that beat this news by years?

ezasabc
ezasabc

So basically "Two Girls One Cup" was a diet video that beat this news by years?

Sigmarlboro
Sigmarlboro

Reminds me of white house press, they transplant poopy throughout mainstream media

Sigmarlboro
Sigmarlboro

Reminds me of white house press, they transplant poopy throughout mainstream media

h8isgr8
h8isgr8 User

This is something an ignorant, immature 12 years old would gawk at.... i.e., all of the break staff. Go watch the TED Talk "Meet Your Microbes" and disinfect your brains of the fungus that is break.com.

h8isgr8
h8isgr8

This is something an ignorant, immature 12 years old would gawk at.... i.e., all of the break staff. Go watch the TED Talk "Meet Your Microbes" and disinfect your brains of the fungus that is break.com.

goodshite
goodshite

Does it have to be squeezed in with one of those frosting bags? Fun!

stupidcomments
stupidcomments User

I've been eating poop for 7 years and have a great figure. Now I'll never stop!

stupidcomments
stupidcomments

I've been eating poop for 7 years and have a great figure. Now I'll never stop!

smoke1383
smoke1383 User

Is this Ian's first article? If so, I feel the need to pop his you know what...If not, well whatever. Ian, have you ever seen a grown man naked? Have you seen Mark Potts naked? Your response will dictate whether or not I hate you. Good Luck.

smoke1383
smoke1383

Is this Ian's first article? If so, I feel the need to pop his you know what...If not, well whatever. Ian, have you ever seen a grown man naked? Have you seen Mark Potts naked? Your response will dictate whether or not I hate you. Good Luck.

ispewmalarkey
ispewmalarkey User

No wonder the Japanese are so friggen skinny...They are constantly shitting on each other.

ispewmalarkey
ispewmalarkey

No wonder the Japanese are so friggen skinny...They are constantly shitting on each other.

Geepa53
Geepa53 UserTop Commenter

Seems legit to me.

Montaukii
Montaukii

Poop to be taken orally twice daily for three weeks.

OCNEONJ
OCNEONJ User

I'm just posting a comment to make ZeroOrDie feel special

OCNEONJ
OCNEONJ

I'm just posting a comment to make ZeroOrDie feel special

ZeroOrDie
ZeroOrDie User

First :/ I just came to see the comments....

ZeroOrDie
ZeroOrDie

First :/ I just came to see the comments....

abeljohn325
abeljohn325

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onasphere
onasphere User

You mean now a treatment. You're welcome.

onasphere
onasphere

You mean now a treatment. You're welcome.

Fortey
Fortey User

Mark isn't allowed to be clothed around me.

Fortey
Fortey

Mark isn't allowed to be clothed around me.

Sedge-Noob-dad-168
Sedge-Noob-dad-168 User

"1. Diagnosis is the identification of the nature and cause of anything." The cause of losing weight would be the involvement in the human centipede sh*t eating. Please educate yourself, as I'm tired of having to teach all the morons of the internet what their schools failed them.

Sedge-Noob-dad-168
Sedge-Noob-dad-168

"1. Diagnosis is the identification of the nature and cause of anything." The cause of losing weight would be the involvement in the human centipede sh*t eating. Please educate yourself, as I'm tired of having to teach all the morons of the internet what their schools failed them.

Mark-Potts
Mark-Potts moderator User

Ian is right. Whenever he's around, I have to take my clothes off. It's awkward. Especially the boners.

Mark-Potts
Mark-Potts

Ian is right. Whenever he's around, I have to take my clothes off. It's awkward. Especially the boners.

Sedge-Noob-dad-168
Sedge-Noob-dad-168 User

You're implying that people would accept taking part of a human centipede as treatment, instead of being forced into it and losing weight as an end result. If you feel that you would voluntarily join a human centipede treatment for being overweight, I suppose that is your prerogative. The obvious point I was making is that a fat guy tied into a human centipede who lost weight, would now be able to point to the fecal ingestion as the diagnosis for the fat loss, as per the article above. While I see th

Suck-it-8765
Suck-it-8765

that would mean that the human centipede would have been the reason this was discovered and i think onaspere was saying it would be a treatment so maybe dont act like a douche because treatment makes more sense since the discovery was used with a transplant in this case