Polish Playground Bans Winnie The Pooh For Being A Hermaphrodite

This story needs to be prefaced with a warning that it is both stupid and potentially very fake.  Like it sounds fake.  Would real people ever do this?  It’s being reported as real, but the media has a long history of being terrible at even trying to source a story, when they can instead just post crap and print a one sentence retraction on the last page of the paper next week if necessary.  Better to get the money first.

So anyway, a town in Poland is banning Winnie the Pooh for being a hermaphrodite.  Is this where Polish jokes come from?  There’s a new playground in the town of Tuszyn and someone suggested Winnie the Pooh could be the hip, relevant new face of the park because it’s 2014 so why not a First World War era Canadian cartoon character, right?  The city council, however, tore that idea a new one over extremely prescient and well thought out concerns relating to Winnie’s fashion sense and gender identity. 

One councilor had a beef with Winnie’s lack of underpants which served as a reminder of his genital-free undercarriage indicating a lack of sex.  The Polish people want their cartoon bears to have big, swinging dongs, it seems, or visible lady parts, so no one gets confused.  That seems reasonable.   But then there’s this quote;

“This is very disturbing but can you imagine! The author was over 60 and cut (Pooh’s) testicles off with a razor blade because he had a problem with his identity.”

That shit’s just crazy and uncalled for.  A razor?  Why even say that? That’s a whole, weird metaphor no one needs to delve into.

After that fiasco, as this seemed to be like a roast of Winnie the Pooh by elected officials, he was labeled a hermaphrodite, which of course greatly contradicts what everyone else just says and displays a lack of understanding about what the term means, and then finally someone declared the problem with Pooh is he doesn’t wear pants and is therefore inappropriate for children.  You know, just like Donald Duck, Bugs Buffy, Daffy Duck, Yogi Bear, Porky Pig, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Squidward, Secret Squirrel, Donkey Kong, Fred Flinstone, Rango, the teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Olaf the Snowman and probably over 100 others.  Just inappropriate they are.

Did any of this really happen?  If it did, the town council from Tuszyn needs to be completely fired and the earth underwear they sat burned and salted so nothing may flourish there again as these are the most cataclysmically stupid and useless elected officials in the history of democracy.  Let’s hope for the sake of the Polish people this story was misreported.