Pizza Hut seems to have a vendetta against pizza and the people who eat it. They’ve come up with crazy ways to turn the delicious treat into giant slabs of artery clogging mayhem that should be brought up on human rights violations. Their latest creation is probably their most insane idea to date: a pizza with Doritos attached to the crust.
And if that’s not enough of a way to tell your doctor to go f*$% himself, the crust is also stuffed with gooey mozzarella cheese. Right now, it’s only available in Australia for a limited time presumably so the company can distance itself from the inevitable wave of heart disease it is bound to cause. There’s no word if it’s coming to America but we’re sure the pungent smell of cheese and diabetes will waft its way towards us and prompt a wave of demand for the new pie.
This is just the latest in a long line of insane creations by Pizza Hut. This was bound to happen given some of the “brilliant” ideas the pizza restaurant chain has had in the past that didn’t involve trying to make their pizza more “pizza-like.”
5. Chicken Finger and Honey Mustard Stuffed Crust Pizza
This is probably the laziest idea we’ve ever heard of for anything. It lets you eat pizza and chicken fingers in the same food item and you don’t have to waste any precious energy moving your arm to dip it in the honey mustard sauce. What’s next? Pre-chewed pizza?
4. Salmon Cream Stuffed Crust Pizza
We never thought we’d say this about a pizza but we’d rather have whole salmon in our pizza crust than a salmon that’s been pureed in a blender. It’s also stuffed with tiny fish eggs because why the hell not?
3. The Cheeseburger Crust Pizza
We’re not sure if you can call this is a pizza since it’s technically just an open meat sandwich attached to a cheeseburger like some bizarre, cholesterol laden human centipede.
2. The Chili Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza
This hot dog infused crust kind of makes sense since it’s already the same shape as a normal pizza crust but as we learned from “Jurassic Park,” Pizza Hut’s chefs were “so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
1. The Shrimp and Mayo Roll Stuffed Crust Pizza
Pizza Hut offered its Japanese customers a chance to wonder what would happen if their favorite kind of pizza, seafood and condiment had their genes spliced and produced a mutant hybrid. We don’t know what the result tastes like and we’d like to keep it that way.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some lunch I need to dispose of.
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