Pizza Hut Is Bringing Back ‘Book It!’ For Adults

Raise your hand if you haven’t eaten Pizza Hut since you were eight years old. If so, they’re trying to bring you back.

As a kid in the 80’s and 90’s, you were probably obsessed with BOOK IT! For those not in the know, it was the reading program that used a free one-topping personal pan pizza as an incentive to get kids to meet reading goals. In honor of the program turning 30, Pizza Hut is introducing an adult version of BOOK IT!

Alumni of the program can register on Pizza Hut’s alumni site, and receive a free Personal Pan Pizza October 1 – October 10.

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F#ck that. I’m an adult who owns money. Who do you think you’re dealing with here?

If I want a pizza, I’ll buy one with all the toppings I want and have it BROUGHT TO MY HOUSE. Why should I waste the gas to go get a free 4-inch pizza? Nice try, Pizza Hut. If you really want to lure me back, you’ll promise a pitcher of beer. It is, after all, an adult version of the program.

Hell, I’ll even read if that’s what it takes. Pass me that copy of Howliday Inn and get ready to tap the Rockies.

Furthermore, Pizza Hut’s Personal Pan Pizzas are inedible for adults. Anything with that amount of grease and butter may be impervious to a child’s stomach but once you reach adulthood, your intestines convert it to highly-pressurized bum gravy. You’d be lucky to even make it to the car.

So, thanks but no thanks. I think I’ll stay home, order in, and enjoy the film version of whatever it is that you were trying to get me to read. No need to over-complicate things, guys. (Source)