I WANT TO WATCH SOME PEPPER SPRAY VIDEOS FOR SOME REASON, CAN YOU HELP?
Don’t worry; this is definitely a case for Captain Content (that’s me). Pepper spray videos are a great way to drive home the idea that pepper spray is not a toy or some harmless substitute for actual force. Unfortunately, this is actually an important educational idea in today’s world of tear gas and violent protest suppressions, but it’s also a good way to kill an hour or so at work. Without further ado, here’s our first pepper spray video:
If you’re not a fan of that video’s format of “two dudes messing around with pepper spray in a nondescript location,” I’ve got some bad news – a lot of them are like that. For some reason women don’t seem to be as into the idea of spraying themselves in the face with pepper spray for fun and entertainment, who knows why? And speaking of two dudes messing around with pepper spray, here’s another video that’s actually called “Pepper Spray.” I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here, but it probably merits inclusion here:
I’M TIRED OF WATCHING VOLUNTARY USES OF PEPPER SPRAY, HOW ABOUT SOME GOOD STUFF?
In the world of pepper spray videos, demonstrations or challenges involving pepper spray are the gateway drug to harder stuff. Harder stuff is, in this case, videos of pepper spray being put to its actual intended purpose of temporarily incapacitating attackers. And this next one is a doozy:
Here’s a little tip for any aspiring retail robbers out there- don’t try to rob someone who has access to industrial strength pepper spray designed for keeping grizzly bears at bay. Definitely don’t ever do that. Unless you want to end up on a hilarious local news segment.
Not all uses of pepper spray are as immediately evident as justified as that last video (even if that guy pretty clearly was not a grizzly bear). There exists video of people using pepper spray just to deal with irritating people, which you have to admit is pretty satisfying. You have to wade through some vlogger commentary to get to the next part of this next one, but trust me, it’s worth it (especially with some judicious click-searching):
HOW ABOUT A REALLY CLASSY PEPPER SPRAY VIDEO, ONE THAT I’LL FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AND ENRICHED AFTER WATCHING?
First of all, you might want to turn down your sarcasm a little bit, this is the internet. But I think I have just the thing you’re looking for, a video of a guy who got drunk at Disneyland and had to be restrained and eventually pepper sprayed by Disney security. I wonder if they have their own formula or if they use the same stuff everyone else does?
CAN I SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A PERSON AGREES TO GET PEPPER SPRAYED FOR MONEY?
These questions are getting increasingly specific, are you sure you haven’t been watching pepper spray videos all day before I got here? Anyway, yes, you can. I imagine that most people who have felt the bitter sting of pepper spray in their eyes after a hard day’s work would probably estimate the value of such a sensation as being significantly higher than $20. But the kid in the video below isn’t what you would call an “informed consumer.” So he sold his pepper spray virginity for a paltry $20. The video runs an unforgivable 6+ minutes, but perhaps you can get something out of it anyway:
I CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE SHAKY CELL PHONE FOOTAGE, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING PROFESSIONALLY SHOT?
A professionally shot pepper spray video is kind of like a punk track with a horn section, but hey, if The Clash can do it, why can’t we? Next we have a commercial for a high tech pepper spray for the smartphone era. It’s called The Defender, and it comes with a smartphone app that can monitor your location and alert authorities at the touch of a button, and automatically does so if you engage the pepper spray. And it has a commercial that might give you some of the pepper spray action you’re craving:
NOW I FEEL LIKE A SELL-OUT, HOW ABOUT SOME MORE AUTHENTIC STUFF?
Ah, that’s more like it. I think I have a nice vertically shot cell phone video that will make you feel whole again. This one is also pretty funny, although for different versions than the usual pepper spray video. The two involved parties are a cop and a (reportedly) rabid squirrel. Since you already know this is a pepper spray video, I guess you also already know what action the cop is forced to take on the out of control squirrel, but I guess we’re all lucky he didn’t shoot him. The girls watching the whole thing go down would probably be happy about that too. Enjoy:
Not all pepper spray videos have to be funny in order to be worth watching, however. Sometimes they can just make it over the top by being astounding or unbelievable, like this next one taken from a soccer game in Brazil. A player gets a dreaded red card from an official, but he refuses to leave the game as ordered. So, as a last result, authorities are called, and pepper spray is used. I wonder if something like this might be coming soon in the NFL?
Next, we have a polyptych of videos showing that even avowed tough guys can freak out when faced with pepper spray. That’s especially true if the pepper spray in question is a specially concentrated formula designed for military use, which everyone who’s going to be equipped with has to have used on themselves so they know it’s not a toy. Here’s the first one:
As you can see, there’s a bit of a delayed reaction associated with this kind of pepper spray, also known as OC spray for “oleoresin capsicum.” But once the kick happens, the results are often hilarious, at the very least according to the people who film the action and then upload it later onto the internet. For an example of what I mean, just take a look at the title alone of this next video:
The following is another video deemed “funny” by the uploader in question, although it’s only funny, not the “funniest ever” or some other hyperbolic descriptor. I’ll let you be the judge, and post it without any further comment:
Closing out our series of videos depicting Navy recruits freaking out after getting pepper sprayed in the face is this next video, which has no variation of the word “funny” in its title. Instead, it’s flatly descriptive: “Navy guy cries when OCed.” Uh, OK:
ARE THERE ANY MORE GENTLY HUMOROUS PEPPER SPRAY VIDEOS OUT THERE?
Pepper spray videos are generally not in the same vein as The Family Circus but I did find one video in the Break library that might be kind of funny to you even if you don't enjoy seeing abject pain inflicted on others. It shows a guy spraying pepper spray in a restaurant, forcing all of the other customers to see their way out. It's pretty funny, but it also might be fake, so be forewarned and try to keep your wits about you. Check please, etc. Here's the video:
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING REALLY GOOD TO BRING US HOME?
OK, I’ve been saving this next one for last. As you are now painfully aware, most pepper spray videos are about 5 minutes too long, with too much talking, too much standing around, and too many shots of the camera shaking around aimlessly. But this next one is a miracle of focus – the camera is static, and there’s some judicious use of fast-forwarding to keep things moving along. And best of all, the guy getting pepper sprayed is hilarious, with his deadpan commentary on how it feels to have your eyes catch fire and his repeated pleas for fresh rags from a man named “Tom.“ Then, there’s the howling. It’s just a good piece of work all around, check it out:
ANY PARTING REMARKS?
Only the usual disclaimers to the effect of pepper spray not being a toy, and you should only use it if you feel physically endangered or jeopardized by an attacker etc. Or, barring that, if someone offers you a certain amount of money to let them pepper spray you and film the results, you should at least ask for a lot more than $20. I’d go $10 per minute of raw minute of footage, that way you get paid more AND we cut down on these overlong pepper spray videos, which are a plague on all of us. Stay safe out there, and remember to keep a steady supply of fresh towels.