Oh My God, Have Y'all Seen Beyonce's New Hair!?

Mark-Potts by Mark-Potts on Aug. 08, 2013

Break’s guest fashion blogger, Sandrah Wondel, writes in to discuss Beyonce’s new haircut.

Mark, Break Editor - Hey, Sandrah. I was told to call you.

Sandrah - OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD Y’ALL. You see this? You see what Bey did?



Mark - (sigh) Yeah, I did.

Sandrah - Beyonce Knowles, Miss Jay Z, Miss Independent, just got a new haircut and OH MY GAWD IT IS FIERCE (SASHA STYLE).

Mark - Oh, it’s short now?

Sandrah - And blonde! You see that short blonde hair on Bey?

Mark - Yeah, I see it.

Sandrah - Bey is a fashion icon and this new move just launches her into history as a visionary, someone who takes broad strokes with her body while striving to perfect her body, her soul, and her art.



Mark - (rolls eyes) Okay.

Sandrah - This is similar to what Emma Watson and Miley Cyrus have done recently but Bey’s is just beyond a haircut.

Mark - Why?

Sandrah - Because, it’s like... Okay, you cut your hair, right?

Mark - Sure.

Sandrah - And why do you do it?

Mark - Because it’s too long.

Sandrah - No, you do it to make a statement.

Mark - No, I don’t.

Sandrah - You cut your hair in order to renew yourself! To shed an old skin and reveal this new, raw being. Bey has always been known for her long, sexy hair. Curly, crazy, puffy, straight. Her hair has always been long. But now? Now it’s short. And blonde. What is she saying? What is her soul conveying? Is this in anticipation for a new album? Is she making social commentary about the cost of hair care products and care products in general, like she’s saying we’re too vain? Maybe us discussing it is what she’s fighting against? Who knows? Only Bey and it’s fantastic!



Mark - silence

Sandrah - Hello?

Mark - I’m here.

Sandrah - Bey’s hair shocks more than just...

Mark - I’m sorry, but why do we care?

Sandrah - What?

Mark - Why do we care? This is news? Really? Beyonce gets a haircut and suddenly it’s news? It’s on CNN, it’s on Fox News, it’s on the Today Show. The front page of Huffington Post. Newspapers are reporting on it, showing the same stupid three images. Why is this news? Do you know what’s going on in the world, Sandrah?

Sandrah - Of course I do, Mark. You don’t have to talk down to me. The world is a huge mess and most people get that. But some people want an escape. Some people want to read about Beyonce’s haircut because it makes them forget their stupid, crappy jobs or terrible house or their car that barely runs. Some people love celebrity culture because they desire to be a part of that. Some people need an escape. Is that so bad?

Mark - No, but what does this say about the state of news when this is a huge deal yet America’s own issues are pushed underneath this?

Sandrah - It says that everyone in media is trying to stay on top and click baiting people into reading trendy news. Newspapers are losing revenue. Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, all those are losing viewers. They need to stay hip and trendy to court younger viewers and sadly, it’s Beyonce’s haircut that’ll get them the views they need.

Mark - But why pander to that? Why pander to the lowest common denominator?

Sandrah - Because we have to, Mark.

Mark - No, we don’t. We can be better.

Sandrah - Look in the mirror.

Mark - I am.

Sandrah - What do you see?

Mark - Myself.

Sandrah - So you see me.

Mark - What?

Mark - Exactly.

Mark - My God...

Mark - Let’s post a gallery of hot girls wearing Star Wars clothes.

Mark - Okay...

- Mark (follow all of me on Twitter)
 

68 comments
The-Langolier
The-Langolier UserTop Commenter

@Mark-Potts The beginning of the article led me to believe that you cared about a celebrity haircut, which is quite stupid, but I kept on reading. Then the article redeemed itself, and I was going to applaud you in the comments for this. The ending you chose for the article spoiled everything, and you went right back to the same level you were at.

TheWhiteHat
TheWhiteHat

Beyonce has always been a nasty, self-absorbed, trashy ghetto queen.

RiotSt4rt3r
RiotSt4rt3r UserTop Commenter

I actually thought judging by the pic and the title that this was a video of that Britney guy/girl/thing crying about Beyonce now. Eitherway, yayyyyyy to whoever gives a shit. Thanks for the 20 pics of real women, love the blonde Bunnies ass... so tight and destroyable. 

OCNEONJ
OCNEONJ User

looks like a dude with makeup, someone needs to chop that onto the superbowl pics, eww

Trav Stevens
Trav Stevens

miey cyrus 2.0? oh yeah beyonce is with Jay Z, the guy who stabbed a record producer in 1999, and shot his drug addict brother when he was 12 years old, BUT is Against "Stand Your Ground" makes sense...

Stefan-Warren-742
Stefan-Warren-742 User

Who is this Beyonce girl anyway? I remember someone by that name in 'Destiny's Child' but I'm pretty sure she was a black chick.

Mike Bowman
Mike Bowman

is this worth a damn? Who the fuck cares! Shes warships the devil and in with Illuminati. Please report something useful!

Get Real
Get Real

She is a good looking person, long hair or short,it doesn't matter. Her hair, or lack of, is just an accessory to her beatiful face.

Dennis-Giles-460
Dennis-Giles-460 User

She finally took off her Wig!!! She didn't cut shit but maybe the hair on her ASS!!

Courtney Jones
Courtney Jones

Terrible. Trying to look like Miley Cyrus Won't get you anywhere.

Rita Riches
Rita Riches

Funny commentary on today's society lol

BEERSLAYER101
BEERSLAYER101 User

Looks like Lil Wayne got his tattoos laser removed.

think2seconds
think2seconds User

she was afraid of fans blades (the thing that move air, not ''fans'') if peoples don't know she get stuck in fans in Montreal... (Still thinking that this is the worst fashion for women, sexy as i don't check those ugly haircut at all, look like testosterone things to me (sh*t on head)

mustangman6799
mustangman6799 User

Who knew she was actually really effin' ugly?

jwelborn
jwelborn User

does anyone really think her long hair is hers??? only thing that makes it hers is she paid for it!!!

Robert J B Bates
Robert J B Bates

she would be the biggest wast of money of all time i would love to see the day were all famous people earnings and docked by 20% each year and given to a charity or to help the homeless or donated to a school or hospital now som1 tell me why do fukwits like this get payed so much and drive nice cars and act like wankers when there is so many people starving in the world and media comes up with some fucken shit story about a dumb bitch and her hair is that what happens when u get it caught in a fan or did it scare her a little ?

Nerdlette
Nerdlette

I like it...her face is so pretty that she can carry off almost any look.

Alexander James Leyton
Alexander James Leyton

All the fucking morons who commented "who cares" didnt read the article... Hilarious to see how people type their useless fucking opinions wihout even trying to inform themselves first. "I unliked this page".. Oh yeah? Everyone who used their brains to read the short article greatly laments the loss of your mindless 'like' you window-licking inbred.

Richard Fournier
Richard Fournier

I love the people that think they are ruining someone's day by 'unliking' their page. No one cares about you, nobody's gonna miss you. Shut the hell up.

Maruku Grobecker
Maruku Grobecker

and who cares that u unlike this page?.....atenttion whore.

Jim Pember
Jim Pember

I left your page too....stupid fucking shit

Mark Potts
Mark Potts

Hey, guys. I wrote this blog. If you actually read it, you'd see that we actually agree with "who cares about this news?" Give it a read and you'll agree with us 100%, trust me.

otek420
otek420 User

"If ya don't like it then you shoulda put a wig on it!" -Beyonce

Kevin Smith
Kevin Smith

Funny how they say Beyonces new hair. Actually its exactly the same hair, just less of it.

Thai Mac
Thai Mac

Right behind ya. Lame page.

Jennifer-Schmied-Zyontz-613
Jennifer-Schmied-Zyontz-613 User

Oh God why... this is not news. Oh wow some chick took out her weave. Who gives a flying fuck? Seriously Break? Seriously? 

Ryan Minard
Ryan Minard

she just took her weave out ... no biggie

Josh Edgeman
Josh Edgeman

When I think of beyonce, I think of the Photo from the Super Bowl when she looked like a dude that she wanted removed from Social Media. This just confirms it. Enough said.

Chad HIll
Chad HIll

Who gives a fuck? Just unliked your page. Let me know if you ever do a story on something that matters.

The-Langolier
The-Langolier UserTop Commenter

@Nerdlette There is more focus on her face now that she has less hair, and it looks more manly than what I had originally thought.

whiteboyawesome
whiteboyawesome User

@Nerdlette she is broke ugly wtf are you looking at? she looks like trevon martin crossdressing


 

Dennis-Giles-460
Dennis-Giles-460 User

@Alexander James Leyton Your Useless Fucking Opinions were just typed by YOU!!! Dumb Fuck hahaha

420Navigator
420Navigator User

@Enrique LaVerdad Riddick 

Hahahah That's exactly what I was thinking 

think2seconds
think2seconds User

@Dennis-Giles-460 @LeCarl spell? ah, your mean magic? lol! maybe I don't speak English as primary language as some break user... (maybe is a good compliment that you think I'm English and simply dumb at school, like 99.9% on break) I think English peoples (hardly?) understand me, and this is enough, I don't invest such time on English anyway... ) (I know about the ''you're'' at first, this is to kill your eyes)