NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio Dropped A Groundhog And It Died

This past February, the newly elected mayor of New York City, Bill de Blasio, had a run in with “Staten Island Chuck,” a rodent being used for a Groundhog’s Day celebration at the Staten Island Zoo. The little guy jumped out of the Mayor’s hands, falling six feet to the ground, only to be buried six feet under  a week later.

It has now been revealed that the groundhog in question died from internal injuries received from the fall. Well, that’s one Groundhog’s Day that won’t be relived over and over again. WARNING: This is like the Zapruder film for Groundhogs:  

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The Zoo is accused of going to great lengths to cover up the mayor’s involvement in the groundhog dropping. After al,l they get $3.5 million in funding a year from the city, so they didn’t want to embarrass the mayor with a dead groundhog. – In fact “Chuck” was really a stand-in groundhog named “Charlotte” – as the real Chuck bit Mayor Bloomberg during a prior event. Basically he groundhog had a body double in case it was assassinated!

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Moments Before Tragedy Struck

Something doesn’t sit right with me. What if, and I’m just asking questions here… but what if this i s a plot years in the making. What if the original “Chuck The Groundhog” bit Mayor Bloomberg knowing he would be replaced? And what if his replacement was chosen at the last minute in order to purposely from Mayor de Blasio’s arms and embarrass him? What if she’s a Groundhog Jihadi?

The Mayor’s office denies being part of any cover up. A spokesman for de Blasio told the New York Post that they were “unaware that Staten Island Chuck had passed but are sorry to hear of the loss.” I think the real question here is what did he know and when did he know it. …Apparently the mayor found out when The New York Post told him this week.

What do you think, should Mayor de Blasio be held accountable for Staten Island Chuck AKA Charlotte’s death? Or is it really just a slow news day?

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney