Good Times: North Korea Is Giving Elite Soldiers Nuclear Backpacks!

Finally some fun news out of North Korea. Reportedly supreme leader and human Garbage Pail Kid from Hell Kim Jong-Un is arming elite North Korean soldiers with “nuclear backpacks.” Soldiers have been seen carrying packs marked with the black and yellow radioactive symbol. These packs allegedly contain a small nuclear device akin to the much dreaded “suitcase nuke.”  Damn, and you thought the kid in high school who stuffed all the books from his locker into his backpack to carry around all day was nuts.

A source from Radio Free Asia says;

“Outstanding soldiers were selected from each reconnaissance platoon and light infantry brigade to form the nuclear backpack unit the size of a battalion.”

Soldiers were seen at the 70th anniversary of the workers party all decked out with their fancy nuke packs. Now, I’m not a military strategist or anything, so I guess it is always a good idea to announce to the world that you have soldiers carrying nuclear armed backpacks. That way they see you coming? Although, I’m not sure what the problem is, thrash metal legends Megadeth have had nuclear drum head technology for years.

#RIP Nick Menza

Most scholars on the reclusive “hermit kingdom” agree that this could all just be more propaganda then actual weapons of mass destruction. Otherwise those soldiers have real BALLS to carry around all that nuclear material. Or I should say lack thereof.  If this is real and they are actually carrying around plutonium, uranium and enough yellow cake to blow up Pyongyang we might not have to worry about fighting North Koreans in the future since all their soldiers will be sterile. Whoops!!

This is just like the ice cream truck but with yellow cake.

However I say why take that chance? America needs to be ready for World War 3. That is why our Second Amendment rights should include the right to bear nuclear arms. If the North Koreans can have nuke backpacks, then why can’t we? We are jealous! All you anti second amendment types are going to have to explain this to me nice and slow.

Some people might be annoyed if World War 3 happens, but I’m all for it. I mean the third world war has been taking FOREVER to happen. At first there was news that the Soviet Union was going to be on board, and then they bailed. Next people were thinking the terrorists would helm WW3, but that doesn’t seem to be stuck in development hell and going anywhere. At this point they will probably end up just going with a crappy reboot and we will have to fight Germany again, but this time it will be ALL WOMEN. Ugh. Think of something new.