You shouldn’t care what anyone thinks of you except for yourself. If you like the person you are and aren’t actively, y’know, killing people and hiding their bodies in your basement to use in a gumbo later this month, you’re probably fine. Are there some real dirtbags out there? Of course, but in my book as long as you’re honest with yourself about whether or not you’re a soggy box of turds you’re probably okay.
But Thai porn star Nong Nat, a 33-year-old who married a 72-year-old American businessman last year, doesn’t seem to be able to come to terms with who she is: a gold-digger.
(And for those of you wondering – her porn name was Natt Chanapa. There, saved you an extra five minutes on Google.)
It wasn’t until after their marriage that Nat began expressing fears that she would give Harold a heart attack during energetic sex (an excuse that only makes sense if this story ended with Harold dying an “accidental” death and Nat inhering millions; if it’s a genuine reason, she just sounds daft) as a reason to get divorced. And while that sounds, to you and myself, at least, like Nat is throwin’ that pickaxx pussy into the ground hoping to strike gold, according to her it couldn’t be further from the truth. “I never needed Harold to take care of me financially, I’m no gold digger. I’m not desperate,” she explained to Mirror.
“He paid for everything but I know he has a lot of expenses of his own in America. So I was understanding and said he could reduce my monthly salary.”
UM – if you’re going to try and convince us you aren’t a gold digger, maybe don’t talk about the “monthly salary” your husband pays you. Talk about other things that make it sound like your relationship had depth, like all those conversations you had about how he likes his diapers changed once he gets super old (spoiler alert: he’s already there) or how the liver spots on his hands are oh-so sexy to anyone who is blind. Seriously, just don’t ever mention the salary ever again and we can all go back to not believing you either way.
Harold, for whatever reason, was not too happy about the divorce from Nat – however Nat says that their relationship was more like “a kid looking after an old man,” probably because their relationship was literally a kid looking after an old man. “It took a long time for Harold to agree to the divorce. My family didn’t want me to separate, but he understands now. I don’t want him to be tortured either. He’s so old. He needs someone to look after him always and we are in different places.”
“He holds onto the memories we had. But I don’t.”
Translation: get the fuck outta here old man, I’ve got about 20 years before my tits hit the ground and I’m not aboutta spend them with a dude who’s got more hair on his balls than he does on his head.
As for Nat’s future dating prospects, she says she’s “looking to date”…but that she has to see your bank account before she’ll even look your way. “The documents that must be submitted are photographs of your face and full-length picture, bank statements from the last five years to show you’re financially secure, divorce papers if you were married before and your nationality.”
Damn – I think that’s one date we can ALL pass on.